You’ve reached the Blue Note. For restaurant and show reservations, please leave a message at the tone…

“Hello, this is Valedy calling. So sorry I missed the gig. I got pranked. Somebody nailed my coffin shut. By the time I got out, it was the next day.

Anyways, please call me back I’d love to make this up to you. Bye.”

You’ve reached The Baked Potato home to the most accomplished Jazz musicians in the world since 1970. For reservations, press 2. To leave a message, press 3…

“Hello, Baked Potato, this is Val calling. Very sorry I missed the gig. I was invited to the Stinking Rose restaurant and I didn’t know it was a garlic place. I got halfway through my meal and curled into a fetal position on the sawdust floor and I had to be carried out of there. I hope we can reschedule.

Bye or Pa as we say in the old country.”

You’ve reached the Bohemian Caverns on U Street. Box is open at noon or you can leave a message…

“Hello, this is Valedy calling. Sorry I didn’t make it to the gig. I got up at 3 in the afternoon which is pretty early for me. Anyways, like an idiot, I rolled up my blinds and got a third-degree burn. Let’s make this happen though. Call me.”

You have reached Minton’s Playhouse on 118th St. For reservations, press 2, For musicians and management, press 3. Any other inquiries, press 0…

“Hey, this is Val calling. Sorry it took so long to call you back… I had trouble on my way to the club last night—there was a crosswalk which was bad enough but on the other side of the street was Our Lady of Peace Catholic school and I freaked and ran out into traffic. Long story short, I’m in ICU at county. Head trauma, lacerations and I lost a finger but I can make tonight’s gig if that’s kosher. I want to—

Hello, it’s Val calling back I got cut off… I’ll keep it quick. I don’t need all my fingers to play. My other fingers have really long nails so the fingerpicking is fine. Call or text me.”

You’ve reached Birdland Manhattan. The dress code is a relaxed business casual but we don’t turn anyone away. There are still tickets available for the Vlad Quartet. Saturday night Show 9 PM. Doors at 7. You can leave a message here…

“Hello, this is Valedy. This is embarrassing. It’s Sunday morning, ah, I don’t know how to even begin. Last night my trumpet player said the vibrato should be on the beat and I said the vibrato should be all over the beat and I fired him.

Also, my maid wanted to clean the cobwebs in my apartment and I almost killed her. Call me as soon as possible. Sorry about all this.”

This is Wally’s Café one of the oldest operating jazz clubs in America. Please leave a brief message and we’ll get back to you…

“Hello, it's Valedy calling. Sorry I missed the gig. I was flying around last night, literally, and I flew into a windowpane and it knocked me out. And when I woke up there was blood all over my apartment and the severed head of a priest… um, I probably shouldn’t have said that… Look, I screwed up.

I’ll call back later.”

This is the Green Hours Club, Bucharest’s only jazz club. Tonight’s show is sold out. If you’d like to make reservations for the restaurant, please press 0…

“Hello, Val here. Yes, I missed the gig. I was celebrating my 309th birthday by walking to the top of the Carpathian Mountains in just under one minute, and once there, I drank more than I did during the Bovine scare of 1992. You know, it just dawned on me, wait that actually scares me, ah… “

Vous avez attient la Jazz club Etoile. Nous ouvrons a 8. Merci…

“Bonjour, it's Valedy. I regret my no show last night. What I’m trying to do is impossible.”

Vlad Quartet Facebook Page
16 mins

We tried Spotify. I think they give us 0.01 cents per play so after 1000 plays we get to split one dollar four ways not including gas money but the kicker is that we got to 29 plays total. Last time I checked everybody in the country was on Bandcamp. My Grandmother had a dystopian, post-ironic bummer pop tune there. I searched Wikipedia for lists of Jazz clubs and most of them say “was a jazz club.” The good news is that if you are a genius and are very driven your odds of making it in jazz are the same as DIY open heart Mitral valve surgery. Insert happy emoji here. I love jazz but I’ve decided to get a job instead.

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