Winkler Field in Saratoga: I’m sorry I repeatedly yelled, “I want that kid checked for steroids, he’s a steroid junkie” after a player hit a double.
Tic Tac Toe: a clever way to tell a girl you like her?
I regret that I have but one chance to offer a high five to the executioner while I’m on the gallows and then say, "Hey, don’t leave me hanging!"
That time you got your first martini at the airport and took a pic for the group chat before tasting it and realizing you hate martinis.
I would pet little dogs, big dogs, toy dogs, and dogs that don’t even look like dogs. Boring dogs. Cool dogs. Hot dogs. All the dogs.
"Print out a prepaid shipping label." We’re aware there’s no logical reason for a partly-employed 24-year-old to have a printer.
I really believed that a gang of scrappy, oddball teenage underdogs like us could pull this off against all odds.
Looking down and seeing my legs dangling over a 400-foot drop has helped me to put certain decisions I’ve made about my life into focus.
I think we can all agree: it is odd how a single (accidental text message / vote with my fellow Cardinals) can change the course of history
But after all my sacrifice, my masterpiece sold only sixty-three copies, fifty of which I pawned my furniture to buy.
I Miss the Days When Men Were Men and Women Were Something Strange and Terrible We Don’t Dare Discuss
Things were easier then. Parents were parents, children were children, and unlike today’s children, they didn’t grow into adults either.
It’s not like I expected you to use me every meal. You can’t have basil all the time, I get it. I’ll be here when you need me, I said.