List: Signs It’s Time to Cancel Your New Yorker Subscription
You scan the "Goings On About Town" and bemoan your meaningless existence in some secondary city 790 miles from any actual New Yorkers.
Tag: Regret
DIY Face Masks That Heal Everything Except the Adolescent Damage From Claire Zabicky
Let this dry skin mask sit for 30 minutes while you contemplate why everyone else's bully peaked in high school but Claire is now an Instagram celeb.
I, The Lovable Prankster of My House, Have Been Asked to Move Out for Some Reason
They just don’t seem to realize that, in a prank-war, these things just happen. It's no one’s fault, and nothing anyone should get in trouble for.
The Monster Under My Bed is Addicted to His iPhone
“My heart hasn’t really been into scaring him lately, he’s such a good kid, and I was getting pretty bored down there. So I bought the phone."
Writing a Public Apology? Clappy is Here to Help!
Let me just grab an eraser for a quick correction: “pariah” is not how you spell “accountable.”
“Eat, Pray, Love” Your Festivus
“If you could clear out all the space in your mind, you’d have a doorway.” Enter the airing of grievances!
Why You Never Ask Strangers in the Elevator If They Want to Get Drinks
“I served two tours in Afghanistan,” one woman said, “and I just thank God I never experienced anything like the horror you’re describing.”
Wines That Pair Well With Your Terrible Life
Gewurztraminer and Running Over A Deer: It’s fruity, aromatic, and perfect for nervously sipping on the side of the road.
So You’re Hiding From Your Family in the Bathroom During Thanksgiving
Yum, I hope that unfiltered tap water and internalized judgement from your mother tastes great!
This Isn’t an Oversized Carry On, It’s My Emotional Support Luggage
We’ve only known each other for a short period, which can be quantified as “just shy of Costco’s return policy,” but we’ve formed a intimate bond.