I think we can all agree: it is odd how a single (accidental text message / vote with my fellow Cardinals) can change the course of history
But after all my sacrifice, my masterpiece sold only sixty-three copies, fifty of which I pawned my furniture to buy.
I Miss the Days When Men Were Men and Women Were Something Strange and Terrible We Don’t Dare Discuss
Things were easier then. Parents were parents, children were children, and unlike today’s children, they didn’t grow into adults either.
It’s not like I expected you to use me every meal. You can’t have basil all the time, I get it. I’ll be here when you need me, I said.
Glen Lentil goes patty wild, our horoscope writer just wants what's best for you, and a pool manager owns up to an honest mistake.
We hope this message finds you and your loved ones healthy and safe. (We hope you have other things going for you, like parents with substantial savings.)
The clients’ voicemails were mistakenly deleted, as the functions of the different button thingies had been forgotten.
- A woman whose boyfriend just proposed to her on the football stadium’s Jumbotron - A really bad hurdler - Moses without a staff
Finally, he asked me in a deep Brooklyn accent, “You here for the vision board supplies?”
My motivation was killed by me throwing my phone out the window when my alarm went off for the fifth time and I didn’t want to get up for a run.
Here we are. You have already used up all of my space in the first ten seconds of being at this Safeway.
"Check Out This Really Big Plate of Spaghetti" (9/1/20) – It seemed like an excellent decision at the time. It was a really big plate.