So maybe this is going to sound weird, but since I lost my footing and my hoodie caught the sharp tip of this cliff saving me from free-falling into oblivion, I realised that there has never been a better time to podcast.

Sorry for the abrupt about-turn. It’s just that looking down and seeing my legs dangling over a 400-foot drop has helped me to put certain decisions I’ve made about my life into focus. You’re asking “why now”—I ask you, why not now? It’s not like I can do much else at this point. I may as well start a podcast.

What do you think we could use as a cover image? You know, that thumbnail that people see on the Apple Podcasts app? Is that what Apple still calls it, or is it something else, now? I feel like they change things around every day. Maybe it’s just me but it’s really annoying.

Well, wherever it gets published I want the cover art to be really eye-catching so that people will want to click on it. Edgy. Ha-ha, how about the edge of this cliff? Sometimes you find yourself looking great ideas right in the face.

You’re going to want my head in the shot; let me twist my body around so that I can grab the edge and pull my hoodie back so that you can see me properly. Can you also start recording on your phone? We can mix the ambient audio of this terrific canyon into the actual podcast.

Listen, I know that you mean well, but I’m really sick of everyone in my life telling me to “just hang on.” I get it, okay? But this isn’t the moment to be cautious. It feels like that time in 2006 when everyone was writing blogs. It was way too late to make a name for yourself. You’ve got to jump on these things early. So, really, the time to act is yesterday. I can’t keep hanging on. What if I plunge to my death and I regret on the way down that I never even tried to start a podcast?

You really need to stop screaming. Otherwise I won’t be able to hear myself think. And neither will my new podcast audience.

So, hear me out– Ooh, maybe that could be the name for my podcast! I bet the podcast market is begging for more variations on sound metaphors. How about Hear Ye, Hear Ye? Or I Hear You? Or maybe even Heard Mentality, like, as in past tense of “to hear,” not the other thing, although that could also be cool because it’ll be like, “yeah, I know I turned up late to the party, but I’m here now and I’m bringing wordplay?”

For the intro, can we do something cool with the echoes in this canyon? I’m no audio engineer, but they say you should make the most of your surroundings.

Now, I’ve got my cover art, the intro, and the name. What should it be about? Hey, if you’re phoning the rescue team anyway could you ask them if they want to be in my podcast? I heard interview shows are the way to go because you don’t really need to think about them. The interviewees bring the content.

For my audience growth plan, I need to become a thought leader in something first I guess. I don’t have time to increase my followers on LinkedIn—I won’t be hanging on the edge of this cliff forever—so maybe I can fast-track myself by hosting a few rooms on Clubhouse.

Oh you think I need to get a grip? How many people do you know who hang off the edge of a cliff and can still turn their life around to start a podcast? I bet not many. I won’t just be a person to listen to hanging off the edge of a cliff. I’ll be the person to listen to hanging off the edge of cliffs. That’s my niche, right? There’s my USP. So, anyone who finds themselves hanging off the edge of a cliff can come directly to my podcast.

Where are you running? You haven’t even heard my promotional ideas! Hello? You hear that? Hello? Hello? Listen, if you’re leaving can you at least record those echoes and send them to my phone? I'll just mix them on GarageBand later.