Fellow Lego Persons,

As we labor for hours each day during playtime under these fluorescent lights, we must keep our faith in the Hand. The working conditions are brutal, but we must believe that this garish, seemingly random assortment of colored bricks came together for a reason. Why else would the Hand give up on the Lego Millennium Falcon we were building last week to build this “tower?”

Surely this monstrosity holds some meaning that is beyond our minuscule Lego brains. But Lego friends, let me entertain some speculation. I believe we are building a monument that will last forever, a monument to our incredible Lego society. Though it is windowless and has tacky flames coming out of its walls, we must dedicate it to all the Lego beings that have died in its construction in this beige carpeted wasteland.

When the Hand in the sky conscripted each of us to work on this tower, I know some of you doubted the project from the beginning. “Where’s the instruction book?” Lego Batman asked. Also: “Why am I, Lego Batman, even doing anything? Isn’t this more in the realm of the Lego City people?”

And while that all may be true, we must recognize that even the Lego City people cannot comprehend the mysterious nature of building this Brutalist monument with a mismatching of square and rectangle bricks. We must unite as One Lego People.

Is it true that the foundation is completely unstable, resulting in falling bricks from time to time that have resulted in several Lego Pirates absorbing their blows? Yes. Is it true that the Hand has refused to use any of the Lego Construction Workers, resulting in Lego Star Wars and Lego Harry Potter figures falling from the top? Also yes.

But this is also the tallest thing the Hand has ever built and is also “pretty cool,” according to said Hand. And that, my Lego friends, is why this giant tower matters.

I admit that when the Hand placed the heads of the Lego Racing Team around the top of the tower, it made me rethink this whole endeavor. I mean, how could the Hand be so cruel as to display the severed heads of the towers’ own builders? But now I realize that the Hand placed them there out of love. We all heard his laughter.

Gaze upon those severed heads and do not cry out of fear. Cry from joy!

For all of these reasons, I cannot conceive of a world where such a tower would fall. This monument is our Lego Brooklyn Bridge. No, our Lego Great Pyramid of Giza. Obviously we’d all like to work on those actual Lego sets, but this tower is the best we have. Hairy Foot has decreed that these sets are “out of his price range.” So let us continue!

Oh wow, Hairy Foot is here. He just stepped on a red rectangular brick. He is cursing Hand. We need to gather everyone under the Lego scaffolding.

OH MY HAND. THE TOWER HAS FALLEN! MY HIPS HAVE COME APART FROM MY LEG PIECE. WHERE IS THE NEAREST LEGO HOSPITAL. I AM IN GREAT LEGO PAIN.