Global Pandemic Phone Etiquette, as Suggested by Your Mother
She is certainly allowed to raise her eyebrows when you admit you’re not seeing anyone, despite the fact that your city is still sheltering in place.
Tag: Parents
Porn Scenarios Realistically Updated for the Pandemic
A frisky couple chasing a thrill has sex on Instagram Live, but frantically sign off when one of their parents joins the stream.
The Kill Me Now Squad: Declassified Files
Kyle’s father just asked if “Post Malone is a sequel to Bugsy.” Agents remain locked and loaded as they stand by for further instruction.
Must-Try Mother’s Day Sex Positions
The Time-Out - Take a break from spanking your husband to go spank your children for not doing the dishes.
Dad’s Work from Home Automatic Email Responses
I am unable to respond at this time, as I'm walking around the house looking for construction opportunities.
Quotes from Teaching Your Parents Zoom, or HAL from “2001: A Space Odyssey”?
“I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.”
Happy Birthday to My Father, Who Is Not on Social Media and Thus Will Never See This
I’ll try to bring a present. But really, isn’t the inevitable boost in social clout you and I will get from this post worth more than any gift?
’90s HR Video Sexual Harasser or My Mom?
You have such nice legs. I’m glad you’re finally wearing something that shows them off. / You didn’t even notice my new slacks. Do you like them?
Ken Burns Presents: Letters from the Privileged Quarantine Homefront
Dear Ma, It's bad out there. The Trader Joe's frozen aisle was completely decimated: no cauliflower crust pizza in sight.
Chekhov Quotes, or Texts from Dad during a Global Pandemic?
There is nothing more awful, insulting, and depressing than banality. / We can’t watch Netflix if you’re already watching Netflix.
Things You Say When Trying to Get Your Partner to Give You an Orgasm, or When Trying to Get Your Toddler to Wash Their Hands?
No, you can’t go get a few toys. Last time you left them lying around and I had to clean them up. / Here, can I just… let me help you.
Horoscopes from Your Mother
As your Venus begins to fade you may be feeling like you're losing control of your life. A man can really help with that.