Finally, he asked me in a deep Brooklyn accent, “You here for the vision board supplies?”
And what about my heart, my battery? Fifteen years and still going strong. Always keeps its charge.
I’ve never needed the Pythagorean Theorem for any moment of my life. I’m a million times better off without you, just like I always thought.
I was going through your photos, which– Stop screaming, you know you have nothing incriminating.
You dropped out of law school to travel around the world “like an Australian.” I knew this was the beginning of something special.
What happened to your MySpace account. What your mother-in-law tells her book club about you. Why you argued with your parents last week.
Five Zoom Habits That Say “I’m Actually a Sailor from the 17th Century and I Must Return to My Time”
You’ve sworn you’ve heard the unmistakable “thunk” of a peg-leg issuing from their mic on more than one Zoom call.
Next to me is some sort of spatula that is red and green and says “Baking Spirits Bright!” It’s July, Richard. I can’t believe this is my life now.
The cool thing about being grateful is that any time you sense a challenge, you can thank it, and then you win.
What does your couch give you that I don’t?
Ganesh, God of New Beginnings: I'm all for New Year's resolutions, but I bet you ten rupees she uses that annual yoga studio pass exactly once.
Kid: I like your new shirt, Mama! Me: Thanks! Kid: I like how it makes you look like you have a big baby in your belly.