Thanks to their tapering form, carrots are a real bitch to peel and cut up without slicing a finger. They are an accident waiting to happen.
Ebenezer Scrooge (A Christmas Carol) – Not just surviving, but THRIVING. Has gone from billionaire to trillionaire during all this.
Your home library is all Bibles. I mean, uhh, could He make it any more obvious? The Bible is His favorite book!
You can’t convict me for something a parallel universe version of myself did.
I Opened This Neighborhood Florist Shop Because I’m Thirsty for Power and You, My Employees, Better Be, Too
Here at Barb’s, we think big. We think brutal. We think volume-discounted wholesale gladiola bulbs.
This apartment is in Verto Heights, in the only Swap Zone of the city. About 11% of the Salt Lake City apartments are in this zone.
I always dreamed of big things, like covering a knife cut on Mark Bittman’s finger, or a scrape on Usain Bolt’s leg, or being forgotten in Beyonce’s purse.
30 minutes in, dad dug his guitar out of the closet and then openly wept when he realized he had forgotten the chords to even the simplest song.
Think something along the lines of “My oven is on!” or “I have a deadline to meet!” hold up your index finger in the air, and abruptly turn around.
In Hell, it’s always January, filled with dead Christmas trees and hungover souls bearing an extra fifteen post-holiday pounds.
Journal entries dissecting a previous relationship / Bad poetry / Concerns to share with doctor / Reminder to self to be more crafty
You and I both know what I’ve been up to, and it isn’t putting me on anyone’s good list.