<p>A guy I barely know and whose name I cannot remember once told me that he didn't workout because he hated math. I think that's the best excuse for not working out.</p>
If by some miracle I got the chance to talk to Shorty Shorts Man or Fancy Gym Guy, here is exactly what I would say.
There’s a lot of things going on in the gym. It can be a confusing place, especially for fucking idiots. For example, taking a leak in the shower is OK; jacking off in there is NOT.
Even if you do get up to the energy to keep off (or more likely, get rid of) the freshman fifteen, gym culture isn't exactly a walk in the park.
As a veritable human encyclopedia on college gyms, I’m here to guide you along on your quest towards total body perfection.
It's obvious you've succeeded at staving off death (thus far), but could you speed things up (the treadmill) and dress the part (athletic gear)?
The deepest thoughts of an overweight guy heading back to the gym after nearly six months of avoiding it at all costs.