The Management of the Lakeview Plaza 8-Plex Requests Your Feedback (And Apologizes in Advance for the Toenails)
On a scale of 1 to 10, what the hell are these spots on our seats? Cigarette burns? The management just had these seats reupholstered!
Tag: Crime
Chinese Biophysics Researcher He Jiankui or God?
Most people aren’t comfortable with the genetic modification of life, but He isn’t bothered by what most people think. / He works in mysterious ways.
Where in the Hell Did Alan Dershowitz Get His Ideas?
“Article II Looks Good On You” (The Journal of Bizarre Constitutional Arguments, December 2012)
In My Museum, You Are Not Only Allowed to Touch the Wax Figures, But You Can Also Give Them a Little Kiss and Whisper a Secret in Their Ear
I low-balled a museum in Plymouth into selling me wax statues of sick Pilgrims from their “passengers who didn’t survive the Mayflower” exhibit.
It’s Me, Female Action Protagonist, Here to Solve Sexism
My backstory is abuse, the type doesn’t matter. Bullies, a family member, a boyfriend who is so overwhelmingly not in my league.
How You’ll Defer the Draft Based on Your Star Sign
Aries: You’re no conformist! You’ve accepted that and so should the US government. They haven’t though, so you’ll fake your own death.
Help Wanted for Covert Criminal Operation
Qualifications: Ability to fire one-liners and innuendo, as well as sex appeal. You don’t follow rules, but you live by your own personal code.
The Grinch Shouldn’t Be Prosecuted in the Court of Public Opinion
In Who-ville, critical thinking is not valued as a trait. No, rumor and hearsay are given far more weight.
Help, My Life Has Become a Backdoor Pilot!
No one cared about me. The main story suddenly became Hannibal's unique style of investigation and vague allusions to a troubled past.
My Grandpa’s Cookie Recipe That Serves as Evidence He Was D.B. Cooper
Slowly add in the dry mixture until combined. The batter should be rough as the terrain near the Washougal River Basin in Washington state.
Literal Evergreen Humor for Literal Evergreens
Why couldn’t the palm tree go to the ski resort in Switzerland? Because it was alpine and also they are not native to the temperate climatic zone.
Slogans from the MTA’s Expanded “See Something, Say Something” Campaign
If you SEE something delicious, SAY “that looks yummy!” If you SEE something nutritious, SAY “I think I’ll go back to the yummy thing from earlier.”