Quotes from Teaching Your Parents Zoom, or HAL from “2001: A Space Odyssey”?
“I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.”
Tag: Confusion
Which Unqualified Doctor Said It? Pandemic Edition
"The virus's signature blend of 23 flavors is truly unique, which is why it was clearly made in a Chinese military lab." -Dr. Pepper
Father, Why Hath Thou Forsaken Me, the Sock at the Back of the Drawer?
You refuse to wear me because of my stale odor but you refuse to wash me for I have not been worn! This chaotic torment tears my mind asunder!
Things You Say When Trying to Get Your Partner to Give You an Orgasm, or When Trying to Get Your Toddler to Wash Their Hands?
No, you can’t go get a few toys. Last time you left them lying around and I had to clean them up. / Here, can I just… let me help you.
The Ten Commandments Are Super Confusing and That’s on Me, The Lord Thy God
“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.” This really isn't a big deal. It bothered me for a couple thousand years but I’m over it.
I Want to Address Any Concerns You Might Have about My Recent Search History at Work
Will I ever be able to reach my full potential? Is it too late for me to even start? Which brings us to my first search, "sexy old celebrities."
Small Liberal Arts College in Ohio or Student at a Small Liberal Arts College in Ohio?
Does Schuyler study creative writing at Marietta, or vice versa? Is Kendall a new sorority sister or the home of a new sorority?
Let Me Tell You Exactly What We Do at This Company
Our company is multi-faceted, which means we do a multitude of different things. We don’t just have one facet, like other low-achieving companies.
Bad Rent Week? There’s a German Word for That
Fetsfermönee - The act of drafting a tweet about selling pictures of your feet, then deleting it because your mother follows you.
Unsuccessful Proverbs About Bridesmaids
It’s a bridesmaid-eat-bridesmaid world. / Treat your friends like family and your family like bridesmaids. / Hate the bride, not the bridesmaid.
The 50 Stages of Toddler Grief
HUNGER: They will want to eat something blue, but not blueberries. Blue. JOY: You managed to find food that is their favorite color!
Glossary of Science and Technology Terms You Were Afraid to Ask About
Facial Recognition System – Mental procedure of sorting through possible names for an acquaintance one encounters at the grocery store.