Your partner, a pastry chef, left the mail out. There’s an unopened envelope from your credit card company. The envelope is thick. Is this a cake?
It’s Not Every Day That I, A 65-Year-Old General Contractor Named Gary, Get Mistaken for Cameron Diaz, But I’m Gonna Roll with It
It's a head-scratcher to be confused with one of America's most consistent box office draws; an actor with the range to do both comedy and drama.
Geology "Is that the one with all the countries," one would ask oneself, mistakenly. To avoid confusion, Geology should be called "Rocks."
“I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.”
"The virus's signature blend of 23 flavors is truly unique, which is why it was clearly made in a Chinese military lab." -Dr. Pepper
You refuse to wear me because of my stale odor but you refuse to wash me for I have not been worn! This chaotic torment tears my mind asunder!
Things You Say When Trying to Get Your Partner to Give You an Orgasm, or When Trying to Get Your Toddler to Wash Their Hands?
No, you can’t go get a few toys. Last time you left them lying around and I had to clean them up. / Here, can I just… let me help you.
“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.” This really isn't a big deal. It bothered me for a couple thousand years but I’m over it.
Will I ever be able to reach my full potential? Is it too late for me to even start? Which brings us to my first search, "sexy old celebrities."
Does Schuyler study creative writing at Marietta, or vice versa? Is Kendall a new sorority sister or the home of a new sorority?
Our company is multi-faceted, which means we do a multitude of different things. We don’t just have one facet, like other low-achieving companies.
Fetsfermönee - The act of drafting a tweet about selling pictures of your feet, then deleting it because your mother follows you.