Climbing out of my grave, I savor the autumn air before dusting off my outfit: an oversized cardigan, plaid scarf, Uggs, and Lululemon leggings.
I wish you could see how stupid you look right now. Eyeing me like a curious toddler. Sniffing me like a confused caveman.
You are in the middle of an elaborate run-on, that due to the nature of its structure, suggests a constantly-looming-but-never-arriving closure...
Each time, I smugly think to myself, “I’m right on this time.” I am not right on. Not ever. It always seems to be further back than I think.
Most People Are Able to Successfully Trick You Into Doing Something Stupid: Notice how the water in this puddle ripples when you blow on it.
For example, our description page should have read, “Lull yourself to sleep to the haunting cry of lions echoing across the lake.”
Your partner, a pastry chef, left the mail out. There’s an unopened envelope from your credit card company. The envelope is thick. Is this a cake?
It's a head-scratcher to be confused with one of America's most consistent box office draws; an actor with the range to do both comedy and drama.
Geology "Is that the one with all the countries," one would ask oneself, mistakenly. To avoid confusion, Geology should be called "Rocks."
“I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.”
"The virus's signature blend of 23 flavors is truly unique, which is why it was clearly made in a Chinese military lab." -Dr. Pepper
You refuse to wear me because of my stale odor but you refuse to wash me for I have not been worn! This chaotic torment tears my mind asunder!