Q: Hi I’m new here. How can I tell if what I am reading about the latest conspiracy is legitimate?

A: As you may have heard there is a lot of misinformation on the Internet and people are struggling to find information they can trust. Your own suspicion about what the politicians, media elites, and Mrs. Evans your sixth-grade teacher have been telling you about the world is all the legitimacy you need.

Q: And who are you exactly?
A: Just a like-minded patriot such as yourself. I understand your hesitance. But would I be willing to share the truth so freely to a total stranger unless I had reason to believe they were a fellow traveler?

Q: Good point. How can I tell if someone is trying to deceive me?
A: Ever since my yoga teacher introduced me to QAnon I realized the importance of credibility. Sure, information coming from a person with known credentials, verified expertise, and a track record of accurate reporting could mean they are telling the truth. But more often than not it’s George Soros.

Q: What if the source doesn’t say anything about George Soros? I find it hard to believe he’s not behind this.
A: Exactly.

Q: What about anonymous sources?
A: Sometimes information is presented under a pseudo-identity, an image of a bald eagle clutching an automatic weapon, or a Joe Rogan podcast. It could be a false flag, unless you consider that the elites in America’s universities, scientific labs, and libraries are most likely a class of reptilian creatures posing as competent experts. When you share a poorly photoshopped image on social media as evidence of a secret pedophile ring in the basement of a Shakey’s Pizza in Andover, Maryland consider whether the friend in the comments telling you it is untrue has been compromised. Or maybe even worse.

Q: That sounds like something the Clintons would be involved in. What do you think?
A: Worth asking the question if you ask me.

Q: An Uber driver once told me the Clintons were responsible for 95% of the world’s murders but now I can’t find that information anywhere online. What’s going on here?
A: Your driver may have been illegally de-platformed by our shadow government. But the more important question is why? As conduits of this information we could be in danger so we must act fast. We can’t let Hillary Clinton get away with it!

Q: What if two conspiracy theories contradict one another? Who am I to believe?
A: People crave logical consistency and it is your job to provide it to them at all costs. For example, Princess Diana faked her own death to get out of the public eye at the precise moment she was murdered by rogue members of the British secret service. We all know this. But the shadowy cabal in charge of the UN would have you believe that these facts are contradictions, that Princess Diana cannot be both alive and dead. False. Those who claim otherwise are ignoring the very real possibility that globalists have installed Princess Diana’s clone as head of the World Bank. Now more than ever it is imperative to invest in Bitcoin.

Q: What if I’ve got some conspiracy theories of my own? Should I share them with others?
A: By all means, yes. There is still so much truth to seek. For example, my plumber has documented the release of chemtrails on an unsuspecting population by our aviation industry. But what we don’t yet know is what they are made of. Are they mind control chemicals? The vaporized remains of Paul McCartney? CO2? I’m just asking questions here.

Q: Totally! What about social media? I see a lot of relatives posting about a plot to overthrow Wal-Mart. Can I trust them?
A: Your Aunt Rachel sharing vague Facebook memes of block text on a black background is one of the few reliable sources we have left. Anyone who argues with you in the comments is probably paid off by the deep state. Resist the temptation to listen to their sound reasoning and use of verifiable data. Check out my website to find the latest promotional offers on installing a bomb shelter in your studio apartment. Before it is too late.

Q: How do you know about my Aunt Rachel?
A: I’m afraid I’ve said too much.

Q: Is the government behind this?
A: Without knowing the specific situation to which this question addresses: Yes.