Parasocial Security Will Take Care of Your Favorite Aging Celebrities
Instead of throwing your funds away on selfish pursuits, this new program ensures your precious headcanon stays intact.
Tag: Celebs
Gordon Ramsay Reviews Your Valentine’s Day Date
I suppose oysters are a noted aphrodisiac, but even those could never overpower the terrifying sight of your lover’s haircut.
The 10 Commandments (Taylor’s Version)
2. (Taylor’s Version) Thou shalt not throw shade on my name or thy will face the wrath of hundreds of vengeful Swifites online.
So Your Mom’s Dating Pete Davidson
Q: Do I have to call Pete Davidson "Dad"? A: No one will ever replace your biological father, but Pete Davidson will be around to keep your mom company.
James Bond Gets Sober on Zoom
Isolated and idle, alcohol became my only sidekick and I didn’t care if it was shaken or stirred as long as it was in my mouth.
I Was the Lemur Handler on “Zoboomafoo” and My NDA Just Expired
I didn’t go to Tisch so I could buy cocaine for a lemur. Plus, lemurs need three times as much snow to get going.
Birth Control Brand or White Celebrity Baby Name?
Lyra? Aranelle? Zuma? Kyleena? Gio?
Werner Herzog Reviews His Favorite Films of 2021
"The Boss Baby: Family Business" The baby, it enrages me. 9/10
53 Thoughts Sting Has During One of His Eight-Hour Tantric Sex Marathons
- Are fish and chips macrobiotic? Probably not. - Can’t believe scientists can clone a sheep but can’t make fish and chips macrobiotic.
I Told My Mom I Was Timothée Chalamet and We’ve Never Been Closer
Suddenly, I was all she could talk about: “He’s been compared to a modern-day Brando, you know,” I overheard her telling her sister on the phone.
Dolly Parton Lyric or Things I’ve Said to My Anti-Vax Friends?
“Take it and you never will be sorry that you did.” “You would be surprised to find how good it really is.”
Celebrity Sequels to “Eat, Pray, Love”
Andrew Cuomo: Intimidate, Inoculate, Incriminate Ted Bundy: Marry, Fuck, Kill Hamlet: Be, Not Be, Wonder Lil Nas X: Yee, Haw, Satan-Worship