“President Trump’s name will appear on the economic stimulus checks that will be mailed to millions of Americans in the coming weeks, the Treasury Department confirmed on Tuesday. The decision to have Mr. Trump’s name on the checks, a break in protocol, was made by the Treasury Department after Mr. Trump suggested the idea to Steven Mnuchin, the Treasury secretary, according to a department official.”
New York Times, 4/14/20

On all winning scratch off tickets

On birthday cards from grandparents with any amount of money inside

After “FROM:” on the name tags of all wedding gifts

In the signature line of all college acceptance letters

At the end of sincere notes exchanged by lovers

In place of players' last names on the back of NBA, NFL, MLB, and NHL jerseys (including Canadian teams)

On every sheet of Charmin Ultra Soft

Embroidered on all weighted blankets

Baked into the crust of all apple pies

At the beginning, end, and intermittently throughout John Krasinki's “Some Good News” episodes

On the Declaration of Independence, over John Hancock’s

Under every credit for every West Wing episode

Spray painted on the Statue of Liberty, Liberty Bell, and the entire American population of bald eagles

Additionally, all subpoenas, child support orders, and Scott 1-ply will now be identified with the following marker:

Joe Biden's signature


Follow PIC on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or good ol' fashioned email.
Get coaching or feedback on your comedy writing from our editors.