Strangers on a Star Destroyer by Alfred Hitchcock
Largely set aboard a remote Star Destroyer, Jimmy Stewart’s Luke Skywalker pursues the man believed to have killed his father, James Mason’s Darth Vader. Unaware of Vader’s true identity, it’s only a matter of time before he discovers the truth.
The Stormtrooper by David Fincher
The audience gets to see a nameless Stormtrooper played by Brad Pitt, who struggles to obey the first rule of the Empire; do not talk about how Darth Vader killed his wife during childbirth.
This leads him on a nihilistic journey where he learns about the lies of working for the Empire (which serves as an allegory for the American dream), how we are all complicit in the triumph of evil, and that hope is a lie embedded into everyone’s ultimately pointless existence.
Disturbance by Christopher Nolan
Michael Caine delivers a stunning performance as an Obi-Wan Kenobi whose long isolation on Tatooine has fractured his connection to the Force. As such, theatergoers get to experience a deep dive into Obi-Wan’s psyche as they see him relive episodes four, five, two, three, six, and one in exactly that order. This is also the first Star Wars movie not only shot in space; but also uses actual lightsabers for maximum realism and scale.
Dark Side by Jordan Peele
Daniel Kaluuya plays a fresh-faced Stormtrooper who, because of a scary man in black he has been told is dangerous, has been programmed to shoot at everything and never seek out a peaceful means of de-escalation, and is only taken seriously when in his all-white uniform. What may truly surprise audiences however is that this is a timely commentary on race relations in modern America.
The Fantastical World of Naboo by Wes Anderson
Owen Wilson plays an adorkable young Jedi, from a surprisingly colorful planet covered in monochromatic sand and full of people in hipster beige clothes to match. As he tries to learn the ways of the Force from a Jedi master played by Bill Murray, he falls in love with the leader of an Earthy planet, played by Tilda Swinton. Their many meet-cutes discuss things like sand, angels, and aggressive negotiations.
Inglorious Rebels by Quentin Tarantino
In this four-hour-long retelling of A New Hope, a woman known as “The Princess,” played by a barefoot Uma Thurman, goes on a bloody rampage against the Empire that blew up her home planet while those around her fight over an unnamed MacGuffin inside a tiny ethereal robot. And even though this takes place long ago in a galaxy far far away, everyone is still aware of and actively uses racial slurs.
Transformers: Rise of the Empire by Michael Bay
A bunch of huge CGI ships with American flags on them just keep blasting the shit out of each other non-stop, and the people inside the bigger ships are running in slow motion down the hallways, which have female stormtroopers in bikini armor and keep exploding behind them to an epic score composed by Linkin Park. The end.
Jedi Fusion by David Cronenberg
Serving as a metaphor for how fractured and vile the galaxy is under the Empire’s rule, the audience sees Luke Skywalker’s severed hand floating in the vacuum of space, where it fuses with the severed arms of a man who beat a Wookie in a board game, and the severed head of Jango Fett, which causes it to develop a mind of its own and terrorize the distant star system known as “Toronto.”