Look, we’re not saying you’re not talented, we’re just saying a lot of this shit is a lot less metaphor than we expected, given that you’re poets. We honestly thought about 90% of this was just analogies for death, but now we’ve got crap all over our apartments.

So we roommates have gathered together, read what you’re currently working on, and have made shopping lists to both improve your experience, and make ours more tolerable. Please make sure to order all of these items before you seek further inspiration.

William Blake — “The Tyger”

  • Fence
  • Fire extinguisher (Seriously?? Didn’t we JUST go through this with “Jersualem”?)
  • Spell check app

Robert Frost — “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening”

  • Horse feed
  • 5-Hour Energy
  • Map
  • Seriously you cannot keep calling me to pick you up in the middle of woods

Allen Ginsburg — “Howl”

  • Fuck me. Noise-cancelling headphones.

Edgar Allen Poe — “The Raven”

  • Bird feed
  • Melatonin
  • Balm (tried gilead, sold out)

Shakespeare — “Sonnet 18”

  • Douche
  • I’m sorry I thought that said “summer’s EVE.” Just suntan lotion, I guess.

Walt Whitman — “Song of Myself”

  • Karaoke machine
  • Sound proofing
  • Glade plug-ins
  • Lawn mower

Sylvia Plath

Alright looks like you already started on a list. You put:

  • Black sweet blood mouthfuls
  • Shadows
  • Something else
  • Corn. Literally the only thing I asked for. The something else was corn.

Langston Hughes — “Harlem”

  • Grapes (not dried)
  • Meat (not rotten)
  • Syrupy sweet (light)

You know what just label everything that’s yours in the fridge I can’t bite into more meat like that.

Dylan Thomas — “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night”

  • Flashlight
  • Anger management book

Percy Bysshe Shelley — “Ozymandias”

  • Statue polish
  • Fuck-ton of glue

Rudyard Kipling — “Gunga Din”

  • Water
  • Thermos
  • Like a strap/backpack? Honestly anything to just carry your own thermos, there are literally so many options.

William Butler Yeats — “The Second Coming”

  • Map to Bethlehem
  • Animal identification guide
  • Posture corrector

And this feels like it was about me and it did hurt my feelings.

William Carlos Williams — “This Is Just To Say”

  • More plums
  • Label maker
  • Also fuck you