It was raining bitcoins and I didn’t have an umbrella.

Every news channel convinced me that the world would come to an end before your improv show and they looked convincing.

I saw a shark on top of a crosstown bus eating ice cream, I think it was butterscotch. I could be wrong. Anyway, it made me crave ice cream. So I went to eat ice cream instead.

I’m still mourning the ending of Titanic.

I had to go to the airport and come back. It was on my to-do list.

I stopped by to say hello to my new neighbors. They aren’t moving 'til next week. So as a good neighbor I decided to wait for them.

I went back in time and it was there that Lin-Manuel asked me to help him with his play Hamlet or something that starts with the letter H.

My horoscope said it was a good day to finish a novel, a screenplay, run household errands, volunteer at the library, adopt a pet, sign a new lease, take a long walk, pick a new hobby and be thankful. So, I did do all of that. (I’m gratefully into pottery now.)

My imaginary twins fell sick. Both of them. I had to take them to my imaginary pediatrician, because as always my imaginary wife had to work late at her imaginary high-profile, high-visibility, multi-million project. It’s a new role for her after the promotion—you know how these things go.

I really hoped something urgent would come up and I waited 'til last minute.

I was almost out the door, on my way, on time and everything when I realized that I didn’t want go to your improv show. So, I didn’t.

I thought I blocked you.

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