Besides contracting the incurable coronavirus, returning to life presents a challenge many have yet to consider: our bodies have forgotten how to function outside quarantine. Those routines that once carried us from our beds to the subway, from the back of the Starbucks line to the front of the Starbucks line, from the bar to a stranger’s bed, have become foreign operations to our muscle system. If we fail to act now, our bodies will collapse the moment “normalcy” is returned to us.
The following exercises are designed to re-introduce the movements of everyday life.
Let’s start with some warm-up routines…
Exercise: Stand in place.
Real life scenario: You’re in the bathroom stall waiting for your coworker to exit so as to avoid the “hey it’s a party in here” gag.
Exercise: Don’t blink.
Real life scenario: Your crush has yet to compliment your blue (gray in the right light) eyes.
Exercise: Raise your eyebrows as high as you can. For added burn, throw in a lively nod.
Real life scenario: Communicating that you are definitely engaged in your friend’s story and in no way troubled by his gesticulations with a bag of his dog’s feces.
Now that you’re loose, let’s tackle some more challenging routines…
Exercise: Lift your chin 30 degrees, holding for ten seconds, before returning to a resting position.
Real life scenario: Before making the same coffee order you have for the past 10 years, you glance at the menu to support the illusion you are a complex creature with evolving taste.
Exercise: Leading with your pointer finger, fully extend your arm.
Real life scenario: Instead of verbally ordering the “Tenuta Dell’ornellia Masseto” in the presence of people named “Amancio” and “Guilia,” you decide to point to your selection on the wine menu.
Exercise: Speak “Let’s do this again” with conviction.
Real life scenario: You’re saying goodnight to a date you expect to never see again.
And finally, advanced routines…
Exercise: Throw various sediment in your eyes and mouth.
Real life scenario: You’re passing a street sweeper.
Exercise: Putting 20 feet between you and an exercise buddy, take turns launching clay bricks at each other. The majority of bricks will likely miss, but don’t be discouraged. This routine is about maintaining the fear of your face being shattered.
Real life scenario: It’s showtime on the subway.
Exercise: In a standing position, set yourself on fire.
Real life scenario: You’re about to pass a group of teens and you’re wearing the shirt your roommate described as “interesting.”