Nov. 26: Black Friday
Nov. 27: Small Business Saturday
Nov. 28: Purging Sunday
Nov. 29: Cyber Monday
Nov. 30: Giving Tuesday
Dec. 1: Bill-Paying Wednesday
Dec. 2: Gas Station Thursday
Dec. 3: Tweet-Storming About Inflation Friday
Dec. 4: Belated Turkey Carcass Composting Saturday
Dec. 5: Whole Foods Sunday (also Ibuprofen Sunday)
Dec. 6: Just Monday
Dec. 7: Costco Stampeding Tuesday (you thought Tuesday would be safe, you poor summer child…)
Dec. 8: PCR Test Wednesday
Dec. 9: Hoping It’s a False Positive Thursday
Dec. 10: PCR Re-test Friday
Dec. 11: Relief Saturday
Dec. 12: New Variant Arriving Sunday (also Finally Subscribing to Netflix Sunday, because you know you’re not going anywhere soon)
Dec. 13: Airline Cancellation Fee Monday
Dec. 14: Phone and Computer Updates Tuesday (Not really; you thought it was going to be Last Minute Shopping Tuesday, it’s just your devices needed some “me” time)
Dec. 15: Holiday Card Mailing Wednesday (Also Call in Sick Wednesday, to give you the time to wait three hours in line at the post office)
Dec. 16: To Hell With It, It’s Vodka Thursday
Dec. 17: Call in Sick For Real Friday (also Ibuprofen Friday, and also Last Minute Shopping in Person Because You Don’t Trust the Post Office Anymore Friday)
Dec. 18: Refusing to Believe There Isn’t Something You Forgot To Do Saturday
Dec. 19: Tithing Sunday (well, technically, it should be every Sunday, but the church probably has enough money. I mean, look at that sound system.)
Dec. 20: Just-In-Case PCR Test Monday
Dec. 21: Caving and Subscribing to the Local Newspaper Tuesday (alternatively, or subsequently, Rage Cancellation Tuesday)
Dec. 22: Guilt-Ridden Donation Spree Wednesday (but make sure to get the tax receipt)
Dec. 23: Netflix and Chillin’ Thursday (literally; late-night texts went unanswered)
Dec. 24: Ghosting Friday (at least for you-know-who; for you it’s more Netflix)
Dec. 25: Fake Holiday Cheer-Infused Phone Calling Saturday
Dec. 26: Googling “Why Do They Call It Boxing Day” Sunday
Dec. 27-30: Feeling Old and Existentially Useless Monday-Thursday
Dec. 31: Forgetting the Last Year Friday