10 Lifehacks of a Machete and You Won’t Believe Number 6

OK, Maybe You Will But You Definitely Won’t Believe Number 7

Jeff Bezos Claps Back at Haters And I’m Chained to a Desk in a WeWork Facility

30 Things Only People Under 30 Understand Who are Also Being Held Captive and Forced to Write Clickbait Headlines

Eminem Claps Back and I Don’t Know What Clap Back Means I’m Just Generating Lines Here

Number 10 is Just a Number Before Number 11 and One Number After 9 and I Just Relieved Myself In My Pants—See What Happens Next

We Ate Vending Machine Food for a Month and the Results are Amazing. Spoiler Alert! Irritable Bowels and Heart Palpitations—We Desperately Need Medical Help

You’ll Never Guess What Meghan Markle Wore and I’m Sure She’s Not Covered in Feces Like Poor Hailey

I Just Wanted to Beef Up My Resume to Eventually Work at Buzzfeed and Win the Internet—She Said What???

Watch This Mom Drop Some Truth Bombs, Some Bath Bombs, and Also Some Real Bombs, As She’s a War Criminal Just Like The People Holding Us Who Need Ad Revenue and Need to Meet KPI’s

5 Things You Never Knew About Pole Pot! Number 3 Will Execute You and Leave You in a Mass Grave. All I Eat Is Cold Ramen and I Think Hailey Is Dead

Take This Quiz To See What Your Family is Up To Because You Haven’t Seen Them in Months

Watch This Grandma Clap Back and Then Soul Clap and Then Get The Clap. They Should Just Buy Traffic Like Everyone Else and Release Us From the Puddles of Our Own Filth

When You Found Out You Were Being Complicit in My Hostage Situation You Were Today Years Old

All The New Releases on Netflix That I Haven’t Been Able to Watch Because My Eyes are Focused Solely on This Laptop With Toothpicks Like That Movie Where Jack Nicholson Gets a Lobotomy

Some of You Have Never Saved Other People Held Prisoner and It Shows

Ways to Hack Into Someone's Account and One of Them is Clicking on This Article So We Can Access Your Data to Free Our Lifeless Souls As We are All Just Breathing Corpses At This Point. ¯\_(?)_/¯ And The Results are Amazing