>>> The Rollercoaster of Drama
By staff writer Simonne Cullen
February 8, 2004

The first party you go to is always a memorable one. There's an extra hour or two spent fighting for the mirrors in the bathroom. Gels, hairsprays, mousses, lubes (how'd that get in there) are thrown all about the room to make your hair fall just the right way. Multi-colored eye shadows and lipstick tubes are being passed around, but it's worth it because you end up leaving the dorm with your posse looking flawless.

After the first song though your eyeliner has sweated to mid-nose. The rest of your face has been transferred like a silk screen to the sweater of the guy you were grinding with. Lipstick is smeared all over your face and the random you just kissed. And the perfectly two hours to straighten hair that has now developed more kinks than Kelly Kapowski's heavily-sprayed 80's bangs.

But the three and a half minutes of being transferred from Cover Girl Model to Whore were worth every second. Because music (more so that then Internet) may be the dominant factor in what motivates our actions. And by actions I mean scandalous dance moves to the ultimate soundtrack of our college lives.

The Soundtrack

Billie Jean – Michael Jackson
This song was introduced to me in the 80's when MTV hit the airwaves and Michael Jackson danced his way into legend. It was later reintroduced to me my freshman year of college by a guy known as Mr. Dance who is the whitest son of a bitch you will ever meet. It's a nice flashback. There I was naïve and untainted. There he was donning a gold football helmet in the middle of a his frat house's living room doing the moonwalk amongst other steps. Sadly, I was hooked. Three years later I now imitate Mr. Dance whenever the song comes on. I get laughs, but I often wonder were this many people guffawing at the original?

Come On Eileen – Dexy's Midnight Runners
This is a favorite of one of my roommates. He often sings it in the shower (and not well I might add). I heard it's supposed to be about a gangbang. So maybe it's actually cum on Eileen. Whether this is true or not I can neither confirm nor deny. But since it's his favorite I am going to lean more towards gangbang than not. (Sorry Mike.) I don't have cable in my dorm so VH-1 Behind the Music could not make an official comment either at this time.

Pour Some Sugar On Me – Def Leopard
This tune is reserved for the guys' first visit to a strip club. Just imagine the tall stilettos wearing blonde flipping her head to the beat while doing some crazy aerodynamic twirling stunt on a pole. And for a brief moment, you'd like to believe that the person you're hooking up with is Pamela Anderson in the opening scene of Barbwire. But as soon as the song dies out so does the vision, and all your left with is a solid skin pole and no Pamela.

Here I Go Again – Whitesnake
I didn't think this was really a college song until it appeared in the movie Old School. Then I realized that it was the goddamn theme of most fraternities. Although I never understood the tradition of forming a mini-mosh pit in the middle of the dance floor at formal while wearing your ties around your head. I thought we discarded that tradition at the prom.

Don't Stop Believing – Journey
Ah the theme of the much too drunk small time girl living in a lonely world. This song doesn't leave room for many dance moves, but when played most girls abruptly realize that it's time to regroup in the bathroom, where the desperate attempt to locate friends commences. It's a drunken blur of faces and the lyrics just push you forward giving you an ounce of hope that you may be reunited soon so someone can hold your hair back while you puke.

If I Could Turn Back Time – Cher
Guys, let me give you some advice. When this song comes on I suggest you make a beeline for the nearest exit. Maybe you should plan out an escape route in advance. Intoxicated girls take this song seriously because the lyrics run long and they run deep. Girls are dramatic drunks. They like to make a scene. They like to make big scenes, and this song allows them to embrace the illusion that they in fact can turn back time by serenading the nearest creature sporting facial hair who in their minds symbolizes the person they want to turn time back for.

Then there are the plain crazy girls like my friend Nancy and I who enjoy spending time between our Wednesday night reality shows imitating Cher. The voice, the walk, the hair flinging, much to the chagrin of everyone on my floor. But it's a good show, and anyone that stops by gets a good laugh. Whether they are laughing with us or at us remains undetermined.

Hypnotize – Notorious B.I.G.
Ever since that Julia Stiles girl danced on top of a table in that stupid teen movie, Ten Things I Want to Puke About, girls have idolized that scene and find the nearest elevated piece of furniture to reenact it. And it's just not here, it's in Europe too. Apparently the movie was a bigger hit there. I was dancing to this song in a Boom-Boom room in Italy and was thrown off a table by three Belgium blondes all fighting each other for a place on a piece of wood to do some strange looking belly dance that was nothing like Stiles' MTV grind version.

Living On A Prayer – Bon Jovi
This one goes down in history for being dedicated to seniors that are congested serious cases of senioritis. It's all good to see them with beers in hand, chanting between lyrics only so many days 'til graduation, but then there are the few with a worried look in their eye who know that in order to graduate they are really relying on the mercy of God himself and their public speaking professor's passing grade to achieve that diploma.

Sweet Home Chicago
Seeing as how I am from Chicago this Blues Brothers tune runs through my veins and is always a party starter. However there are unspoken rules that are enforced when played. Note: You are only allowed to sing this song if you are actually from Chicago. Suburban posers will be physically removed by a city dweller or shot on site depending upon which zip code they're in at the time of delinquency. Now Sweet Home Alabama can be sung by everyone, but only because that movie with Reese Witherspoon allowed the rest of the country leeway.

She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy – Kenny Chesney (A Wisconsin Favorite)
Anyone who goes to school anywhere with a cow inside a ten mile radius of their room can appreciate this song. Hard to believe but country music is taking over. And I jumped on the cattle-loving, guitar-plucking bandwagon. But seriously, this song is made for hicks who really do spend their weekends practicing the art of cow tipping. And I have never been one to complain when I see the one Tolken guy at my school forward it to the next song.

Rick Springfield's Jesse's Girl and Madonna's Like A Prayer
No explanation necessary. If you've never heard of these songs then you better get the hell off American soil because they could very well be backups for our national anthem should the Star Spangled Banner ever retire.

Friends In Low Places – Garth Brooks
Every single time this song comes on I see the same event taking place. Whether it was my senior year of high school or at frat formals today, once this song comes on everyone still standing finds it necessary to pick up those passed out and hold them up in a tight circle of friends. If you're sober and see this it's pretty fucking lame. If you're drunk it's the coolest thing ever to be a part of.

American Pie – Don McLean
Bye bye Miss American Pie, took my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was dry. And good old boys drinking whiskey and rye saying this'll be the day that I die “AT THE (Respected) FRAT HOUSE.” This will be the day that I die, “DRINKING BEER WITH MY FUCKED UP FRIENDS!” The improvised lyrics add such a nice personal touch to this classic.

Summer of 69 – Bryan Adams
This song is the winner—hands down. It has everything in it: smiles, tears, and the residue of memories that seep into your mind as the beat plays over and over in your head. It temporarily motivates the unmotivated and sobers up the drunk, but ultimately reminds you of the good times spent and the better times yet to come. Although I requested this to be played at my cousin's wedding a month ago, the DJ refused, claiming that marriages weren't an occasion for this powerful of a song.

Legends In The Making

Stacy's Mom – Fountain of Wayne
There is always that one guy on campus who shot out of a very hot woman's uterus twenty years ago, and this song is quickly taking its rightful place in the Hall of Fame. Until the obsession of hooking up with an older woman comes to an end, this song holds a long and prosperous future. It will be dutifully passed on from generation to generation of young males yearning to hook up with an older woman—most likely their best friend's mom.

Oops I Did It Again – Britney Spears
Oops I broke your heart, ripped it our of your chest, threw it on the floor, and did the Mexican hat dance upon in—and now I am going to finish it up with an encore of Britney's, Oops I Did It Again to make you feel like shit just because I can. For some reason girls feel pretty damn good breaking up with someone and this song allows the emotionally detached to channel that energy and maybe even perform a choreographed interpretive dance of the stomping of the heart.

I did promise a good friend of mine that I would add Rod Stewart to this list. Apparently this man's popularity seems to be soaring across my campus, not sure how well he's doing in other areas of the country, but I assure you, All For One, with Bryan Adams & Sting. Good tune.


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