« Back to My Organs and I Hook Up (With a Girl), Part 1

(Scene: Things are getting hot and heavy with the Organ Crew and KC, who are in the bed making out with some girl.)

MOUTH: Making out rules.

(KC takes off his t-shirt, revealing his chiseled torso.)

KC: I bet she's thinking, "I've never been with such a hot guy before."

HANDS: Such a hard decision. Do I grab boobs, buttcheeks or the other cool stuff girls have?

KC: Why not just go for all of them?

JUNK: Do I want her to let me out or keep going? I can't decide. It feels so good it almost hurts.JUNK: I know, Hands! Push her head down so she's eye to eye with me! Do it do it!

BRAIN: That shit hasn't worked since, well, never. Mekaneck, prepare to engage.

MEKANECK: Affirmative.

EYES: Wait, she's disappearing.

(Skank sucks on KC's neck.)

MEKANECK: A human female is using her mouth as a vacuum on me. What measures should I take?

BRAIN: I didn't predict this. Let me look at the archives…


KC: Shit, dude. That did hurt. I'm kind of drunk right now. Did we prepare a safeword? I forgot.

JUNK: Holy shit, Hands! You're fucking cold!

HANDS: Me? What the hell are you talking about? I'm picking Nose and scratching Butt.

JUNK: Well whose hands are these? Oh… I know this game. And I like it. A lot.

MEKANECK: I might have to <<KZZZRTCHTOK>>> go offline. Unexpected groping is causing me to <<<BBBTERKNOD>>> stiffen up.

JUNK: Me too, Tinman.

BRAIN: We've been in the situation before soldiers. Steady as she goes. Nothing new here. Relax.


KC: HOLY CRAP! She just fucking punched me in the face!

HANDS: No dude, that was me.

KC: What the fuck?

HANDS: Junk told me to do it.

BRAIN: Why didn't he run this by me first? Junk, what's up?

JUNK: There's! A! Mouth! On! Me! It's! Fucking! Awesome! Everybody! Shut! Up! And! Um! Let! Me! Enjoy! This!

MEKANECK: Something is clamping me.

HANDS: That's me again.

BRAIN: You're going to have to quit hurting us, Hands. Massage her head, or our head. Just quit hitting the others.

KC: Yeah. This does feel good.

JUNK: Shut up! This is soooo awesome.

BRAIN: I'm getting overloaded here gang. I've got to shut off.


KC: Was that a good yell or a bad yell?

JUNK: She just stuffed her tongue ring in my pee hole!

MOUTH: You want me to ask her to stop?

JUNK: Let me think about that. Um, no. It was kind of cool.

KC: What do you think is better blowjob etiquette: Coming fast or slow? I'd think a girl would want to get it over quick. Cuz I know when I'm eating girls out, I want that done lickity split. But, maybe if it takes too long, she doesn't think she's any good? Or hot? If it's too short, does she think you're a two-pump chump?

JUNK: We're about to find out…Mouth, there might be a warning needed. I'm blasting one way or the other.

MOUTH: I don't know dude! I just forgot how to talk! I guess she's going to learn the hard way!

JUNK: Do I want her to let me out or keep going? I can't decide. I don't want her to stop, but it feels so good it almost hurts. I don't know what to do!

(There is a massive supernova.)

BRAIN: Um, what were we just talking about?

JUNK: Just going to lay here. Felt good. Need some rest.

BRAIN: Wait. We've <YAWN> got to stay <Num Num> awake. Think about our long-term plan.

JUNK: Night guys.

EYES: Incoming! I see her looking at us! She's moving closer!

KC: Oh, does she want a goodnight kiss or something?

MOUTH: Um, is that gay?

BRAIN: No, a chick just blew us. Not gay at all.

MOUTH: But that stuff was just in there!

KC: Well, it's our stuff.

MOUTH: But what if I, I don't know, taste that stuff?

BRAIN: And you like it?

KC: Oh, fucking gross dude! That's it! I'm taking over. We're not making this decision. We're falling into full sleep mode. Manual override. System shut down. Go Go Go!

EYES: So heavy. Sleepy. She looks pretty, but I go night night.

KC: Brain, why are we still awake?

BRAIN: I'm getting messages from Gut. You've been quiet all night, why aren't you following a full shut-down order?

GUT: Oh, I'm hungry. I want a pizza.

BRAIN: You fool! You realize this stance could compromise the entire mission!

GUT: I can't help it. I need a snack.

MOUTH: Emergency! She's really close!


KC: What are we going to do?

BRAIN: I don't have charts for this!

GUT: I'll solve it.

BRAIN: You got us into this with your fucking pizza!


MOUTH: Oh gross. You barfed in me!

GUT: Just a little bit.

EYES: Her face is contorting. The plan's working. She's backing off.

BRAIN: Disaster averted! Way to go team. We'll blame it on the alcohol and Mekaneck. I'd like to go ahead with full system shutdown.

MOUTH: I taste like whiskey and, um, puke. Oh well, at least I know I'm not gay.


More in the "My Organs and I" series:
My Organs and I Go on a First Date
My Organs and I Wake Up
My Organs and I Go to Work
My Organs and I Go to a Game
My Organs and I Hook Up (With a Girl)
My Organs and I Detox
My Organs and I Go to Work (At a Bar)
My Organs and I Turn 30
My Organs and I Drive to Denver
My Organs and I Snowboard
My Organs and I Sleep
My Organs and I Go on a Job Interview
My Organs and I Go to Vegas
My Organs and I Party in the ROK
My Organs and I Watch Korean TV
My Organs and I Stay at Home
My Organs and I Go to High School
My Organs and I Write an "Organs and I" Column
My Organs and I Get Laid in the Shower
My Organs and I Go on a Bender
My Organs and I Get Tattooed