Everyday Artists

The world's greatest artists walk you through simple, everyday tasks.

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Whether you prepared a list or venture with your memory alone, we will keep vacancies in our mind with which to consider the best path to a successful week of balanced nutrition and satisfaction, given in equal parts. It is with reserved joy that we venture into this place. What successes should be found here, what daily deals, are not diminutive or demeaning to be celebrated. On the contrary, should a two for one present itself to you, you need only go tell it on the mountain.

Do try to always be an optimistic shopper, trusting that you will find all that you need, forgetting none of it. Pessimistic shoppers are the shoppers who have no hope for themselves or for others. They are also the shoppers who think the human race is beneath their notice, that they’re better than other shoppers.

There are items stocked on the shelves that bear no future for you. Though with each torment and with each moment of weakness, there stands the opportunity for learning and growth. It was Gluten Free Oreos that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive.

Forgive me, I have digressed as we enter the grains aisle. The average shopper here possesses a mean determination that should not be upset by your interruptions. When something is taken, it is gone forever. I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their Frosted Flakes so stubbornly is because they sense, once that cereal is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.

If you feel that Frosted Flakes are the grains for your pain, do not take the box so much as ask for it. People can cry much easier than they can change. If no transaction can be agreed upon and with tears sufficiently given, grant them your parting with sympathy and perhaps consider Frosted Mini Wheats. It is higher in fiber and with higher fiber comes great courage.

I will take this interim between the grains and the meats to remind you that you must keep your eye sharp. When a shopper asks themselves what is meant by a two-for-one deal, they prove that they are not a shopper with an eye for deals. Deals are a lack of balance. In order to spot the deal, you must be somewhat insane. A reasonably sensible shopper is satisfied with the regular price. But I do not ask you to be satisfied, I ask that you be rapturous. Though if rapturous is out of stock, satisfied will do.

Forge on as we find ourselves in the poultry, or as I call it, the Amen Corner. If the poultry section could talk, it would tell you to deploy the discerning eye. The price one pays for chicken without rib meat, or fillers, is an intimate knowledge of the ugly side of butchery. They dazzle with words like ‘nature’ and ‘freedom’ but they preserve none of its properties, for preservation is not to be done with the idling of man.

As we turn into the canned goods, remember to be careful what you set your heart upon – for it will surely be yours. Though I might recommend veering off the name brand, assuming the ingredients to be the same, which in the case of black olives, should go without question, though ask it. Without curiosity, we have descended into a baser form of consciousness. Instead, keep the mind sharp and whetted like a Misen Chef blade.

Consider also that the cheaper versions are often on the top shelf to deter the unaware shopper from summoning the gumption to climb. Those who say they cannot reach the top shelf are usually interrupted by others doing it. As you move for the creamed corn and towards the checkout, consider that no one can possibly know what is about to happen: it is happening, each time, for the first time, for the only time.