>>> The News: JAY KAY!
By staff writer Amir Blumenfeld
December 1, 2004

The real news (for boring people)
The breakdown (for college people)

Netherlands Hospital Euthanizes Babies


AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (AP) – A hospital in the Netherlands—the first nation to permit euthanasia—recently proposed guidelines for mercy killings of terminally ill newborns, and then made a startling revelation: It has already begun carrying out such procedures, which include administering a lethal dose of sedatives.

God, what's everybody's problem! It's not like they're killing babies! Anyways. What does “euthanasia” mean? *Sounds it out*

The announcement by the Groningen Academic Hospital came amid a growing discussion in Holland on whether to legalize euthanasia on people incapable of deciding for themselves whether they want to end their lives—a prospect viewed with horror by euthanasia opponents and as a natural evolution by advocates.

You know Amsterdam is a fucked up place to live when “LEGALIZE IT” t-shirts refer to murdering babies.

In August, the main Dutch doctors' association KNMG urged the Health Ministry to create an independent board to review
euthanasia cases for terminally ill people “with no free will,” including children, the severely mentally retarded and people left in an irreversible coma after an accident.

I dunno what's worse, an irreversible coma, or death? Mainly because they are the same exact thing.

The Health Ministry is preparing its response, which could come as soon as December, a spokesman said.

The health ministry has narrowed it down to two ideas: “Our bad,” and “We're sorry.”

Three years ago, the Dutch parliament made it legal for doctors to inject a sedative and a lethal dose of muscle relaxant at the request of adult patients suffering great pain with no hope of relief.

Oh man, can you imagine how relaxed you are RIGHT BEFORE you die. The MAXIMUM STRENGTH MUSCLE RELAXANT possible. I bet it's sweeter than a really good nap.

The Groningen Protocol, as the hospital's guidelines have come to be known, would create a legal framework for permitting doctors to actively end the life of newborns deemed to be in similar pain from incurable disease or extreme deformities.

Such as “Being a girl.”

The guideline says euthanasia is acceptable when the child's medical team and independent doctors agree the pain cannot be eased and there is no prospect for improvement, and when parents think it's best.

“That must be the hardest decision a parent could make,” said an insensitive prick referring to one father who was asked “white or wheat bread” at his baby's funeral.

Examples include extremely premature births, where children suffer brain damage from bleeding and convulsions; and diseases where a child could only survive on life support for the rest of its life, such as severe cases of spina bifida and epidermosis bullosa, a rare blistering illness.

Jesus! Some of us are trying eat a McRib here!!!

The hospital revealed last month it carried out four such mercy killings in 2003, and reported all cases to government prosecutors. There have been no legal proceedings against the hospital or the doctors.

Yo check it. Dis be Ali G! And I be here to…. HAHAHAHAHAH!! Seriously though, I'm just kidding.

Roman Catholic organizations and the Vatican have reacted with outrage to the announcement, and U.S. euthanasia opponents contend the proposal shows the Dutch have lost their moral compass.

The U.S. has always been pissed about youth in Asia. I guess they'd rather their youth be in America. WHERE IT'S A BIT SAFER, AND A LITTLE BIT BRIGHTER!

“The slippery slope in the Netherlands has descended already into a vertical cliff,” said Wesley J. Smith, a prominent California-based critic, in an e-mail to The Associated Press.

The e-mail continued: C*I*A#L*I*S! VIII7G7R7A?!? CLICK H3R3 FOR L0W C0$T M**E**D**S!

Child euthanasia remains illegal everywhere. Experts say doctors outside Holland do not report cases for fear of prosecution.

Prosecution? Or PERsecution! My god, the English language is my PLAY thing.

“As things are, people are doing this secretly and that's wrong,” said Eduard Verhagen, head of Groningen's children's clinic. “In the Netherlands we want to expose everything, to let everything be subjected to vetting.”

Vetting? As in pet doctors? That's simply gross and intolerable. These are babies we're talking about here, not PUPPIES! Hmm, I wonder which one would be cuter….

According to the Justice Ministry, four cases of child euthanasia were reported to prosecutors in 2003. Two were reported in 2002, seven in 2001 and five in 2000. All the cases in 2003 were reported by Groningen, but some of the cases in other years were from other hospitals.

Four cases of child euthanasia is probably so much more disgusting to drink than four cases of beer. Unless it's like, really, really bad beer.

Groningen estimated the protocol would be applicable in about 10 cases per year in the Netherlands, a country of 16 million people.

Kinda brings new meaning to the words “DUTCH OVEN.” And NO! I don't know what that means.

Since the introduction of the Dutch law, Belgium has also legalized euthanasia, while in France, legislation to allow doctor-assisted suicide is currently under debate. In the United States, the state of Oregon is alone in allowing physician-assisted suicide, but this is under constant legal challenge.

No duh, Belgium has also legalized euthanasia! Belgium is just a mindless lacky. If Holland threw a dead baby off a bridge would Belgium? The answer is “Maybe.”

However, experts acknowledge that doctors euthanize routinely in the United States and elsewhere, but that the practice is hidden.

So THAT explains the game Hide-and-Go-Seek-Out-the-Still-Born-Fetus.