If you're reading this sentence, you've just killed a prostitute. No worries! Luckily for you, we have compiled this helpful packet you should peruse every time you kill a prostitute.

First things first: Don't panic. Everything's going to be all right. Just be thankful nobody got hurt.

Breathe in, breathe out. Be thankful you're alive and that you can take the life of prostitutes in a gruesome sex act. Life is wonderful, ain't it?

Hey, you know what makes me really happy? Killing prostitutes! It's a stress reliever. Which brings us to the second point: Everybody kills prostitutes. Even Jesus killed a couple prostitutes for not being amazed by his penis miracles. You'd be surprised how many prostitutes are killed every day. I hear it's alot!

Point number 3: It's not illegal. Killing a prostitute is like burning an ant with a magnifying glass: sure, something's dying, but it's so microscopic (either literally or in society) that it's not a crime. The only difference is you usually don't give ants $33.50 to look the other way while you sperm on them.

Killing a prostitute is a victimless sport. Rainy day? Choke a hooker. Bored of your kids? Go out and cut a prostitute up with some garden shears. Gas prices getting you down? Have a laugh while you stick your foot in a prostitute's mouth until she dies. Oh, and stop driving that SUV. Donnnnnnnnnnnn't think that gets too good gas mileage. But what do I know?! I'm just a professional prostitute killing expert.

Some people call prostitutes "Gods Only Mistake". Some people call them "The Devil In No Clothing". Some people call them for a quick shitjob in a hotel bathtub. No matter what you call them, they're all the same: dead.

Prostitutes are God's renewable resource. They need to be recycled. So do Earth a favor AND help slow global warming – kill a prostitute today.

(If you've already killed one today, kill one tomorrow.)

Remember – If you don't kill a prostitute….who will?

Who will?

Brought to you by Johnson & Johnson's No Tears Baby Shampoo

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