Me: So I'm pulling up to your house now. That K-9 unit dog of yours isn't gonna bite me, is he?
T-bone: That all depends on how much pot you try to bring in here.
Me: None.
T-bone: Well then, you should be okay.

Me: So is it cool being a K-9 Unit cop?
T-bone: Yeah. I get to hear a lot of really satisfying screams.
Me: Well, that's a perk I guess.

T-Bone: This is my baby Glock. This is the one I use when I go to the grocery store and out to the movies and stuff.
Me: So you always have a gun on you?
T-Bone: Part of the job.
Me: All I need is a laptop.
T-Bone: Yeah, you're a normal citizen. That must be boring.

T-Bone: This is my full sized Glock. I usually bring it with me for work but I'm taking it over to Thanksgiving dinner because it's always a good idea to have a little extra firepower around the holidays.
Me: You're kidding, right?
T-Bone: No.

Me: Hey, are you gonna bring the police dog over to Thanksgiving?
T-Bone: No, I think the Glock'll be enough to handle my family.

Me: It's real cool how he plays with the ball and stuff. He's like a real dog.
T-Bone: He is a real dog, Nate.
Me: Oh yeah.

T-Bone: The thing is, we will always have a serious crime problem in this country if we don't legalize killing people in public.
Me: You believe this?
T-Bone: It would make the world much safer.
Me: You can't really believe this?
T-Bone: I can and I do. If I were police chief, every cop would be allowed five bullets that they could shoot whoever they want with. Crime would disappear.
Me: Man, I hope you never become Police Chief.
T-Bone: You probably won't have to lose any sleep over that one.