Have any of you guys ever taken a woman out to dinner, sat down with her at a table, ordered your drinks, and heard her say, “I don’t think I’m hungry”? Well, I have. And my resulting thought process was something like this: What? Wait a minute. You’re telling me that we bothered to drive all the way out here so you could not eat—hold on, here. At least I’m not spending money. That’s a plus. Wow. I guess I’ll have a beer, seeing as how we’re out here and all. I wouldn’t describe the resulting emotion as “happy”, but I wouldn’t describe it as “mad” either. I guess, if I had to describe it, I would describe it as “slightly inconvenienced, but with beer” and that ain’t too bad, I guess.

Three signs you got a new girlfriend and a new television in the same few weeks:
1. Everywhere you go in town, people keep asking you where you’ve been… even though you never actually left.
2. You find yourself enjoying a beautiful day… from the comfort of your couch.
3. Your neighbors constantly come by to watch television… but they won’t sit down.

Saturday, while hanging in St. Pete, my friend Amy met the following people: Pork Chop, Cheese, Poop and Tittany. Nicknames, you gotta love ‘em (and yes, I’ve always been a little bitter that no one ever felt me to be nickname-worthy, but what can you do?).

I’ve always wondered if Jesus would have smoked pot…

You know one of your friends has a great sense of humor when you see a Walgreens Semi-Truck Pez Dispenser and immediately grab it for him because you know he’ll love it.

And finally, because this is one of those entries where logic and fluidity move slowly because they’re averaging four hours of sleep a night, I leave you with the following, courtesy of my friend, the Beer Stein:

“It would suck to get shrapnel in you.”

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