Hello, I'm what you'd call a gynecologist. I fix, repair, inspect, diagnose and tickle vaginas for a living. Some of my employees and co-workers call me The Pussy Doctor or just ‘pussy.' You can call me Dr. Pussy.
But let's face it. I've seen tens of thousands of vaginas in my day, and quite honestly, I'm getting a little sick and tired of them. They just don't blow my mind anymore. I don't have to hide a boner every time a patient comes in, like I used to back in the early days.
I came out of Gynecology School bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I was ready to treat every vagina in the whole world. I had the energy of Ron Jeremy on half a bottle of Viagra. But now it's like someone replaced the Viagra with roofies, and Ron Jeremy with Hugh Hefner. Hugh has naked girls around him 24/7, but he's super old and a nude female is nothing new. That's exactly what I'm like. I think I have Hugh Hefner Disease.
I was pumped as fuck to see every pussy when I was new to the business. I could hardly restrain myself from licking the Yeast infected and gonorrhea infested vaginas I saw day in and day out.
It was like a pussy store in my office, and I was the owner. Pussies all around, more pussies than you could ever count. Skinny pussies. Fat pussies. Bulimic pussies. Hairy pussies. Shaved pussies. Balding pussies. All kinds of pussies! You name a pussy, I've seen it, touched it, and diagnosed it.
But after years and years of my pussy practice, one snatch blends into the next. You've seen one muff, you've seen them all. You've seen a thousand muffs, you've seen all there is to see.
I can't even pretend pussies are cool anymore. Nothing new or exciting about ‘em. I can't even put on a fake smile or act excited when a pussy walks into my office. I no longer go, "Hey, vagina, how are YOU?!" Instead I just frown, sigh, pull down the pants and start fingering. I'm crying a little on the inside (and a little bit on the outside, too).
I'm just going through the motions, with no emotions. Every time I see a vagina, I shudder and recoil in horror. And not the good kind of whore you can find on a street corner. The bad kind of whore who gives you gonorrhea and a blowjob for $200. And I should recognize gonorrhea when I see it, since I'm a FUCKING gynecologist for Christ's sake.
Thank you for inviting me here to Saint Judas Catholic School. It was a pleasure being part of Career Day. But remember, kids, you may think a cunt's the coolest thing ever right now, but when you graduate the 2nd Grade and start having to look for a job, think twice before accepting that full ride scholarship to Vagina College.