Can't be a lover anymore?
Try being a fighter! (Paid for by the U.S. Army)

Can't satisfy your girlfriend?
Don't worry, she's getting all she needs while you're at work.

Do you want to?
Try unemployment.

You want to save your money and get licensed medications?
Take your generic pills to a local training program for certification.

Tired with your sexual problems?
Drink a double shot of espresso before having sex.

Looking for an effective and cheap solution?
Hydrogen peroxide is now on sale at CVS for just 69 cents a bottle!

Don't want to expose your private life?
Maybe you should've thought about that before you sang “Oops, I Did It Again.”

Your lady can't have orgasms?
Check under the hood.

Is it safe to shop for drugs on the Web?
No. By doing so, you expose yourself to a number of drug-resistant viruses.

Hey Court – Are you single?
Do you see a ring on this finger??! Sorry, I didn't mean to get so angry. (You're just an email… you're just an email… you're just an…)

Losing your hair?
Try putting it down in the same place every time.

Can't find meds at your local drug store?
Think ouside the box: Try a drug store at least 50 miles from home.

Do you shop for drugs on the Web regularly?
If so, I won't have sex with you.

Tired with doctors and prescriptions?
Suicide saves the U.S. economy thousands in Medicare costs.

Like what you see?
Now try it with mace in your eyes. Big difference, huh!

Your locks down?
Otherwise it's going to be hard to climb this tower…

Them circles even corners enlarge?
Try dying your hair brunette and re-thinking the situation.

Tired of advertising expensive pharmaceutical products?
Try purchasing a Super Bowl TV spot for generics instead.

Frustrated with balding?
It's genetic, deal with it.

Are you afraid that she will meet someone who is better than you in bed?
Don't let her out of the basement again.

Can't have sex like you had 10 years ago?
All low impact time machines on sale now!

Is there any reasons to pay more?
If there are, I can't think of it.

Want to be on top all night long?
Turn your laptop over and lay it flat on the bed.

You wish you could wear a skirt on the beach so nobody can notice your size?
I told you those male enhancement pills would work too well!