• Flies were named for what was assumed to be their primary method of getting around. The name stuck, even after we learned that most of them prefer to skip.
  • Houseflies belong to the order Diptera, derived from the Greek suffix “ptera” which is short for pterra-cotta, the clay ancient Greeks fashioned into vases and urns, and the prefix “Di” referring to Princess Diana.
  • Moths are houseflies in wool cardigans.
  • Houseflies have sponging mouth parts but, for some reason, never put them to use cleaning the countertop after they make a sandwich.
  • Fly droppings (called flyspeck) look like poppy seeds, but graduate students in the Duke Diptera Laboratory report that they taste like licorice.
  • Lightning bugs are houseflies with radioactive buttocks.
  • Houseflies are extremely musical and will use a plastic coffee stirrer as a didgeridoo.
  • Flies think in fluent French. They use their antennae to communicate with each other in halting Latin.
  • Spiders are elderly houseflies who spend their days knitting.
  • A majority of male houseflies have cankles and flabby abdomens. Their favorite pastimes are masturbating and sponging up beer.
  • Flies have compound eyes with 8,000 total receptors. Since a fly’s brain is incapable of processing any of the input from those receptors, they always just see a painting of dogs playing poker.
  • Because all they see when they look in a mirror is a classic work of art, psychologists are unable to determine whether flies are self-aware.
  • Carpenter bees are houseflies with tool belts.
  • Flies rub their back legs together to signal that, if you come near them with a flyswatter, they will fuck you up.
  • To ensure the adorability of their offspring, females breed only with young, cankle-free males.
  • Fly eggs hatch in 3.14159 hours. After high fiving their siblings, the maggots spend the rest of the day discussing quantum mechanics.
  • Mosquitoes are houseflies on Ozempic.
  • “Time Flies” isn’t just something that happens when you’re having fun, it’s also the fly-owned LLC in charge of daylight savings time.
  • Singer Curtis Mayfield’s relationship with a pet housefly inspired his biggest superhit, “So in Love.”
  • Wasps are houseflies of wealth and privilege.
  • A fly who circles three times to the right, is warning you that a strong storm system is on the way. A fly who circles three times to the left, is looking for its reading glasses.
  • The effect of cognitive decline in flies is the opposite of what it is in humans. They remember exactly what they were doing ten minutes ago, but can’t remember whether, as young maggots, they discussed quantum theory or string mechanics.
  • Horseflies are houseflies with enormous schlongs.