Earlier today, I was describing to my friend Sophie how when a guy takes off a girl's bra mid-hookup, there is an 8-second threshold when things start to get awkward if things aren't undone yet. Assuming this had happened to me, she asked what I do after 8 seconds. And really, there's only one way to neutralize an awkward situation, in bed or not: humor.

As the 8-second deadline approaches and my fingers feel nothing but futility in the clasp, my brain quickly goes into punchline mode. Because honestly, under that much pressure, the best anyone can do is a one-liner.

So I figured it might take some stress off future situations if I just go ahead and grab my inflatable doll, get in position, and throw some practice lines at her as 8 seconds of making out approaches. (She never gets tired of hot air.)

So without further adieu, “The 8-Second Bra Lines” to save your dignity just after you've failed at unclasping:

“What can I say, I'm used to trainer bras.”

“Did your dad rig this clasp or what?”

“What does this thing even support anyway?”

“Hey, doesn't this thing just pull over your head?”

“What is this, Victoria's Secret or the Federal Reserve?”

“Houston, we have cleavage problems.”

“What this bra needs is some technical support.”

“Well, I guess I was lucky just to get my arms that far around you.”

“Wanna go grab a smoothie instead?”

“Damnit, I always forget my PIN number.”

“Wait, which wire should I cut again? Was it the red one…or the green one?”

“I always thought you could just slide into second base…”

“Nevermind, I kinda felt like I was breaking in anyway.”

“If you're happy and you know it, clasp your hands! CLASP! CLASP!”

I will add some more later. Anyone else have some good ones?