I know there are so many people here tonight to support this hilarious guy but I just wanted to pull you aside to let you know you should be pointing your camera at me. I’m sure people ask you all the time but I’m qualified for this. I appeared in multiple backgrounds of Netflix specials for my laughing skills. I didn’t bring my resume with me but here you go: hahahahahhaa. See, I’m good.

You could even have the comedian do his crowd work directed at me. I have prepared an answer to all potential questions that could be asked: Who here has kids? Who here is from New York? How many people here are in therapy? And to all these, I’ll respond with a “woo!” Not only will I woo to any and all questions but I’m also super supportive. If he says something groundbreaking like, “I think we should listen to women,” you want a woo like mine coming from the audience.

If you just want to dim the house lights I could show you how my teeth shine. Okay well, you can even tell with the lights still on how bright they are. Look. This makes it easy for you because even in the dark you can still tell I’m laughing. And you’re probably like well anyone could get their teeth whitened. To that I would say that it’s not the teeth themselves being whitened but how I perform with them.

Like the comedian, I also incorporate liquids into my set. Whether it is drinking some water to transition from giggling to gasping for air, but my boyfriend also carries a cup of milk for me everywhere we go. No, it is not just for my teeth, I can actually make milk come out of my nose on command.

Let me be honest with you, whether the joke is that funny or not, I’ll do it.

If you could just give me a copy of your cue sheet I could also get the entire audience to be ROFL at the end of the special. Come on, hear me out! Every special ends with people clapping or a standing ovation. I think it’d be cool if this one ended with everyone on the floor in pain from how much they just laughed for an hour. I am capable of influencing the audience to make that happen. And if people don't follow along, you could just copy and paste me a bunch of times in post so it looks like everyone is laughing as hard as I am.

Alright well, I’m sitting right over there next to the guy holding a cup of milk. Oh, and you guys don’t have to pay me. I am really just here because I love to be featured in the audience and because this guy is so funny right? I got an aisle seat so you could easily get all the shots you need of me.

HAHAHAH! See, I can laugh anytime, anywhere.