A healthier 2020 will be easy! Merely cutting out cookies and wine should make a big difference. Paired with working out and mindfulness (mindfulness is thinking thoughtfully, right? You can do that).

The only exception to the wine rule is for post-work networking drinks. You certainly don’t want to make the other person feel bad about drinking wine! You don’t want them to feel like an alcoholic just because you’ve decided to take care of yourself. If they order another glass, so will you! You may even order a third so that they don’t suspect you’re more healthy and mindful than they are.

The occasional glass of wine won’t make a dent if you’re working out more often than not. With your work schedule, you’ll need to wake up at 5:55 AM to make it to a 6:30 AM spin class. As long as you enjoy the spin class and don’t leave in a huff after not being able to figure out how to clip your shoe onto the pedal and realize you were supposed to rent special shoes beforehand for $10 (??), you’ll be back every morning. That won’t happen to you in 2020 because you’re go-with-the-flow mindful.

There is only one reason to skip an early morning class and that is if it is so frigid inside your apartment and your duvet is really warm and your cat is curled up in a cute tiny ball right next to you. If you lift the blanket you will surely wake her and you can’t possibly do that so early in the morning, so you sacrifice your morning workout to stay warm and take care of young Poppy. Now that is mindfulness.

The no cookies rule will be a breeze. You just won’t eat them save for a kind coworker bringing a box from Milk Bar because they make this new cornmeal cookie that’s supposed to be incredible. It’s rude not to eat cookies from fancy bakeries. All other cookies you can skip.

Actually, the new rule is that you can’t seek cookies out on your own but if people bring you cookies you can’t say no. Just no more walking to the Milk Bar near your office at lunch, ok? Walking is good, just walk to a health food store and get a shot of Tumeric or something.

The only caveat to this new rule is that you have a birthday party to attend on January 11 (in this case you can get around the no wine rule by simply drinking tequila). Rumor has it there will be a cookie cake at this party. You won’t want the sweetness of the cookie cake to shock your system so you should probably reintroduce cookies back into your eating routine a few days before, in which case you can seek out cookies. It’s better for you if you think about it.

You’ll make up for these little setbacks by being even healthier on the weekends. You’ll run on the beach, or do yoga, or both! However, if a friend texts you to do something better you’ll have to do that. Or if you have other stuff to do like groceries or watching this series called Virgin River on Netflix—a 10-episode rom-com—impossible to stop watching.

Anyway, cheers (with kombucha!) to 2020. You definitely won’t let this new, healthier, mindful you get to your head. You’re the same deep down, just superior and better!

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