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Fuck You, Sunset
When Bob Ross painted you, he always put the trees in front of you. Don't wonder why.
Articles
Please, for the Love of God, Reply “Confirm” or “Cancel”
You still haven’t confirmed, but you also haven’t canceled. Just a heads up, the uncertainty is kind of messing with some people here.
Clark Kent, We Have Updated Your Ancestry DNA Results!
Our new, improved algorithm now reports that you are: 99.9% not of the human genome <1% Pacific Islander
I’m a Movie Villain and Here Are 40 Reasons We’re Not So Different, You and I
I murdered your wife, and you got pretty mad at me for doing that. We’ll call that one a tie. We’re both people!
Buddy, You Went and Messed with the Right Guy
Are you fucking with me? Because if you are, I swear to God that, with ZERO hesitation, I will absolutely let you do that.
I’m the Artist Who Leaves Beer Cans on Hiking Trails
I tell stories of humanity. Some about a guy getting drunk in the woods. Others about two guys getting drunk in the woods.
Six New, Higher Stakes Versions of Quiet Quitting
The Desert Escape: Run into the desert. There, you’ll meet a snake. Name the snake. Name him Benjamin. Benjamin will bite you, but don’t cry out.
Goodbye, Summer
Goodbye to cooling off with a quick dip, wading too far out, getting swept to sea, and awaking on a pirate ship Bone Rattler.
This Bowl Sure Is Getting Hot, Huh?
Now I’m halfway to the table, and this bowl is burning my fucking hands off.
Earnings Call from Little Timmy’s Lemonade Stand
Setting up this stand in my backyard all those days ago, I never imagined the places we would go; we are now in the front yard.
We, the Makers of Tapioca Pudding, Are Excited to Unveil Nothing New
Over our long history, we’ve made countless non-changes to our product, from refusing to add any flavor to churning out the same muddy texture.
Yes, I Like Swamps. No, I Am Not a “Swamp Thing”
Last I checked, relaxing in swamps was not against the HOA bylaws.