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Discover a New Type of Bug: When you’re talking about the bug on National Geographic, make a joke about how you’re single.
Sister Rosemary did nothing to deserve your wrath on JFK Boulevard this afternoon.
I’m checking out your fine-ass certifications, baby, and damn you’re proficient.
Barnuncle: A barnacle uncle. Commonly moves around by clinging to the bottom of ships.
I can’t and I can’t even. Whatever phrase works best for you to understand that I can’t help you.
We will be booking you at the nearest available destination: a desolate mountainside, now viewable if you look out the left side of the aircraft.
While I despised the overacting required for cartoonish behavior, I was a professional and delivered the performance asked of me.
Iron Maiden’s Trivial Pursuit: All questions pertain to the band’s twelve-minute songs which sum up a book you were supposed to read in school but didn’t.
Allison in HR gave me the full-court press and explained that some of you think my sports analogies are creating a toxic workplace.
There's no way I'm going to pass the anchor-shaped keychain I got from my beach trip.
Getting electrocuted in the Menlo Park mall on the big man’s birthday is on my bucket list, but 2022 is not going to be the year I cross that one off.
I suppose oysters are a noted aphrodisiac, but even those could never overpower the terrifying sight of your lover’s haircut.