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I am here to keep the small talk alive because everyone else is so locked in that they forget how to socialize.
“One final touch, my dear boy,” his Grandma said, carefully placing an entire stick of butter on top of the dish.
Applewhite brought a sense of wisdom and dignity to the role of Grandpa Tugboat, the wise old ship that dispenses much-needed advice.
Your deal is Polaroids, right? That’s cute. I don’t mean that in a condescending way.
Have you tried burping? What about being burped? It’s okay to be small and fragile sometimes. Or all the time.
Did they really hurt their ankle or do they just want to stop hiking with you because you brought your own poop bag?
The study ended after the cone of peach ripple divorced its husband on the grounds that he was having an affair with a strawberry cheesecake.
Behind every great man may be a great woman. But behind every great woman is an epic bunk bed.
Relativity is abstract, I know. Let’s give it some specificity, to see if we can make it more accessible for you.
Those crashing car sensor lights that have been flashing in your side mirror for 12 miles now? That’s all me, man.
I really don’t want to be a burden, but would you mind coming to help me? Only if it’s on your way home from the office.
You probably know it as the royal insignia of Prince Cuddles from Planet Wuv, curator of the Garden of Rainbows and Dreams.