Daily funny articles by seasoned comedy writers and fresh voices. Best of Year | Editors' Picks | People's Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Did we go to college together? No, I went to Penn State. High school? No, I’m from New York. Middle School? No, I never graduated.
We at Amazon want to replicate every part of the brick-and-mortar experience, and that includes the sweet sweet thrill of shoplifting.
Google “What does sexually active mean?” Is it like you’re having sex right at that moment? In the past year? Ever?
Because at VERMO Liquid Ant Baits, we don’t sell insecticide. We sell experiences.
For safety, we’re tying you right to the tip of the rocket—far from the hot hot thrusters. You’ll also get plenty of SPF to protect you.
He got together with all the angels, Betty White, and your childhood dog, and they had a long hard think about how things are going down here.
I’m so jealous of guys like you who can just sit at a table like this for hours and hours without literally moving a muscle—must be nice.
We don't even know him, what if this kickass party goes to waste because your baby ends up being a loser or something?
Just imagine the most unbelievable venue design I’ve ever seen is right behind his bald, moon-shaped head.
You think you know a person and then they run off with 29 of your closest friends to do a smash-and-grab.
Uh oh, you're back into the ol' overdraft - just two minutes after being paid. Thoughts and, of course, prayers, Emily.
If there wasn’t something more to it, I would be pretty bored and not have a good shot at turning it into a series of Pulitzer Prize-winning articles.