Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
I wake up to the fifth and final alarm set on my cell phone: 10:45am. I have to be at work in 15 minutes, where the fuck am I and why is there no god?
This is a question I hear with more and more frequency every time I pull the trusty ol' Motorola from my pocket in public. Yes, I still have a flip phone. No, I am not some hipster fuck.
Learn to be more open-minded, cultivate some patience, and for God's sake don't say the first thing you think of when a beautiful woman makes random conversation with you.
Once a month, your upbeat relationship transforms into vitriol and tyranny. For a man, this is a sweltering round on the hot seat like none other if you're her "lucky man."
I used to really enjoy listening to music until I heard Madonna's new album "MDNA." Every fucking song on this record sounds the same: terrible.
People try their best to organize their lives every day, EVEN FAMOUS PEOPLE. And since I'm the creepo who spent hours tracking down all their to-do lists, check out what I found!
Sex on the computer may seem a lot easier than sex in real life, but the truth is, there are plenty of risks involved in digital coitus, like catching a virus or revealing your fetishes.
Everyone knows the world is going to end in 2012: you, me, the Mayans, and George Lucas knew it all along. Rather than get all emo about it, why not embrace the situation?
My best friend Winston heard that my parents would be out of town for the weekend and his eyes glazed over with one thought: PARTY. And before I knew it, the wheels were in motion.
Using the formula "Sex - Contraceptive = Baby," my wife and I began "trying to have a baby." But first, our little science project began with a semen analysis to gauge my potency.
Relationships, the differences between a man and a woman, the yin and the yang, the alpha and the... lesser alpha. The glue that binds and the absolute mental catastrophe that entails.
A progressive biologist's guide to understanding and analyzing the 8 groups of birds and their general stupidity and ridiculousness. Because birds are the Earth's comedic gift to us.