17 Famous People's To-Do Lists

People try their best to organize their lives every day. A good way to do this is to write down everything you need to accomplish on a sheet of paper that's blessed by the god of paper and then place it on your refrigerator or carry it around with you. Many people throughout history have done it, but more importantly, FAMOUS PEOPLE HAVE DONE IT. And since I'm the creepo who spent hours tracking down all their to-do lists (illegally mostly), why don't you take a look at what I found!

1. Barack Obama

• Run this bitch (the USA)
• Bottle up my anger
• Work on the economy
• Have a discussion about greener alternatives for sources of power with ambassadors from other nations
• Talk to Michelle… SERENADE!
• Laugh at everything Canada does
• Keep the fact that I'm still half white on the DL
• Install a tiny basketball court in the oval office
• Help the girls with their school projects
• Donate to charity
• Give Hillary Clinton 30 seconds of pure eye contact, then dunk on her ass
• Go ham on these hoes Debate with Republicans
• Talk to Michelle again… TENDERIZE!

2. The CEO of McDonald's

• Continue to hate children
• Send secret agents around the world to eliminate all remaining McRibs
• Help black people
• Please the gods
• Work on my awesome new sandwich called "The McSuicide"
• Eat my three healthy, vegetable-rich, portion-controlled meals for the day
• Drink eight cups of water
• Have someone bring the Cuban slave child in the field some lemonade; consider making the lemonade pink
• Fall asleep to "Runaway," or as I like to call it, "Give It Up For the Douchebags" by Kanye West

3. Martha Stewart

• Build a new punching bag (you broke your last 89) and make it look adorable
• Bake cookies for the local orphanage
• Look non-threatening
• Plant a cherry tree; if cherry trees don't exist, genetically engineer one
• Put apple pie on window sill to cool like I do every day
• Tape another episode of the show
• Break into my next door neighbor's house and decorate it
• Go ape shit with the decorations
• Take down the decorations before they get home so they'll know I was there
• Spray paint "M-Swizzle was here" on their car again

4. Every Biggest Loser Coach

• Workout
• Workout
• Workout
• Workout
• Workout
• Workout
• Workout
• Don't die
• Workout
• Workout
• Workout
• Workout
• Workout
• Fruits and veggie dance
• Workout
• Sleep

5. Magic Johnson

• Watch TV
• Pick up groceries
• Continue hiding the cure to AIDS in my sock drawer

6. Bill Gates

• Take a bath with $100 bills instead of water like always
• Eat a bagel with cream cheese seasoned with money
• Have people install a drawbridge to my house, then have those people build a moat around my house (preferably while being whipped)
• Unleash dragons on the world
• Go get a loan just to be funny
• See if my cyborg body is finished being built
• Throw rotten tomatoes at people who only make $5,000,000 a year
• Continue plotting world domination

7. Lil Wayne

• Work on my rap career

8. Lil B

• Work on my rap career

9. Lil' Caesar

• Work on my rap career

10. Lil' Kim

• Track down and wipe all rappers with the words "lil' or "little" in their name out of existence
• Do the same to all female rappers
• Tape another motivational poster to my mirror, refrigerator, shower door, etc
• Work on my rap career

11. Nicki Minaj

• Keep tonight's campfire going with all this hate mail I got from Lil' Kim

12. The Zodiac Killer

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• ?????????????????????????????
• ????????????????????????????
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• Get some orange juice

13. Cookie Monster

• Kick this cookie addiction that has ripped me away from my very loyal husband and kids
• Go to the doctor to check on my withdrawal symptoms
• Eat my LAST cookie
• Eat my last LAST cookie
• Eat my last last LAST cookie
• Smoke some weed
• Get back at all the skanks who gave me an intervention
• Try to kick this cocaine problem that isn't really a big deal
• Stay completely sober for 1,000 days so I can reach a higher state of being known as "Nirvana" and transform into the "Veggie Monster"

14. Veggie Monster

• Live life
• Eat a cookie

15. Santa

• Put my wife on my shit list
• Put the dog on my shit list
• Put Cookie Monster on my shit list for never putting out for me on Christmas
• Put the elves on my shit list
• Put adults on my shit list
• Put Jews on my shit list
• Put skinny people on my shit list
• Put cancer on my shit list
• Put diarrhea on my shit list
• Put Nigeria on my shit list
• Put all the so called "comedians" who think they're funny when they tell jokes about me on my shit list
• Put everyone who thinks I'm guilty of home invasion on my shit list
• Smash the Mrs.

16. Kreayshawn

• Recruit more people to join the "White Girl Mob"
• Shout out to Oakland
• Suck the swag out of Young Money
• Work on my new album
• Sock Kreayfish
• Smoke a doobie
• Ease up on the 90's slang
• Take my cat out for a drink
• Freestyle rap about String Theory

17. Abraham Lincoln

• Polish my time machine
• Put some Missy Elliot on my iPod, iPad, iPhone, and Apple computer
• Find a way to murder this "Steve Jobs" guy while I'm bored
• Start to like black people and give them their freedom eventually
• Drink unicorn blood to keep up my strength
• Go see this cool show called "The Midnight Show" at Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in this hip future city called "Los Angeles"
• Go see any of the cool shows at the Upright Citizens Brigade theaters in these hip future cities called "Los Angeles" and "New York"
• Travel to the future and laugh at this guy named David Ayala to make him feel bad in this hip semi-future city called "Detroit"

Screw you, Abraham Lincoln.