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When I spied your "Frederick Asmus" nametag I nearly dropped my Auntie Anne's Roasted Garlic & Parmesan pretzel out of joy. I knew you would want to hear my story.
Native Americans believe we have two spirits inside of the same body. Which may explain why my Aunt Carol was such indecisive old bitch.
Tiffany "SURPRISE!" Johannasen loved creating internet garbage for tween readers, and counted "melting brains and ruining society" among two of her passions.
The designers of rollercoaster lines want you to be goal-oriented, but they don't want that goal to be getting to the ride, just getting to new parts of the line.
Taxes can be complicated, but most people don't realize there are tons of benefits they can receive that H&R Block won't touch with a wooden stick! Haha! Hova!
<p>18-year-old Katie Lawrence sent a splash of hot oil through the fast food industry today when she fulfilled a customer's request for an Egg White Delight, even though breakfast service had ended two minutes earlier.</p>
What happened to you? You use to be so full of life, now all you do is scroll through Internet lists, day in and day out. Well, this is an intervention.
Sorry Mrs. President, we tried to stop the First Man, but Bill was knee-deep in the Hooters already. We tried to email you about this situation, but we didn't get a reply.
A woman is who I am. It's a basic instinct. It’s all I've ever wanted. Not the Gold Medal. That was a digression. Womanhood is my favorite neighborhood.
Good morning! I see you're looking at our selection of zombie-proofed vehicles. These certified ZUV's are very popular now and we've got quite a few nice ones in stock.
$9.99 a month for practically infinite music at your fingertips is a luxury YOU JUST CAN'T AFFORD. Now, tell me, what do you really see in so much Pitbull?
I want you to feel me in every inch of your body until you lose all sense of logic, and the usual minutiae of lazy Sundays goes out the window.