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You can take the man out of the big city and send him to Hell for a life of transgressions, but you can’t take the big city out of the man.
But if Mr Zuckerberg thinks that now I will finally bring him that Tickle Me Elmo, he is wrong. He was a bad boy then and he's an even badder boy now.
If a stranger with a black eye winks at you on the street, that’s a surefire giveaway that your cats are pedalling human violence for profit.
Once, he drove the Millennium Falcon to McDonald’s, Google Maps said “Bon appetit!” and Han thought it was making fun of him so now he only uses Waze.
I know that sometimes it seems like the world is unfair. But that’s why we invented language. These rules give structure to a chaotic world.
Ok, ciao, diary. I bet Prince-Whatever-The-Fuck-His-Name, with his funny little Prince accent doesn't even know about “ciao.” That’s Hollywood, baby.
10:00 A.M: A phone call! Could it be an inteview? No, just those Mormon missionaries you gave your number to during that “Who am I” phase in college.
Do not assemble in a wet location. Do not assemble at altitudes lower than two thousand (2000) miles below sea level. Do not assemble in a sea.
We reserve the right to reserve the very best table at the most expensive restaurant in your surrounding area and to charge it to your credit card.
Your complimentary shirt will consist almost entirely of sponsor names. You can take part in the latest trend: advertising local plumbing services.
Relationships are about one thing, and one thing only: affordable housing. Find someone who doesn’t smell too bad and lock it down.
I asked you on a date in my head and pretend-you said yes. This confirmed it; you are a kind-hearted guy who can see the potential in me.