Daily funny articles by seasoned comedy writers and fresh voices. Best of Year | Editors' Picks | People's Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Thin Mint talks first. She looks healthy but is no longer the waifish figure from past boxes. Despite her added curves, she's lost none of her snap.
Who will have access to your computer after you pass on? Your girlfriend? Your niece? Your grandmother?
With the precision of a casino dealer cutting a deck of cards, I scooped two large scoops of vanilla ice cream and put them into the frosty mug.
The man you know as "Mike Pence" doesn’t actually exist. I'm just a guy who never got tagged out of an improv scene from 1979.
Can you feel that burn? Well, ignore it. That’s just one of the servants of Satan trying to enter your body through your navel.
The President shall enjoy full immunity while patting his head and rubbing his stomach at the same time.
I will be sure to keep you updated on all the social metrics. I still care about you, and the kids (our kids), and our social media numbers.
I have also been told by several superiors that I have "a lot of potential," and that they'd like to see my potential "put to good use."
I refuse to ghost on you like your past relationships with Blockbuster and Hollywood Video. But I fear we've reached our final act.
If I had made it through the dramatic events of that April night, I would have died anyway since the last Titanic survivor passed away in 2009.
Sometimes, when you brew coffee I get flashbacks of how you’d sit with your feet inside me as you discussed search engine optimization.
In conclusion, communism doesn’t work in practice, please don’t hurt my family, keep it under 1,000 words.