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I tried hiring dog walkers, but I was banned from all those apps because my dog became infamous for always turning up a corpse or two.
We’re thinking of them, we’re discussing them, we’re writing them down, and yes, we will almost certainly be imposing them!
Well, I bet you all felt pretty stupid a month later when we got divorced. You all are just wrong time after time.
Miss Manners will endeavor to offer advice which she hopes will help you be the perfect guest at your knife fight, and as well as keep you alive.
Monet: You’re admiring the haystacks painted on the walls when suddenly the room fills with pastel-tinted water.
The suits on Capitol Hill are scared of an everyday American taking two of our country's greatest pursuits, knives, and recreational explosives.
Did you receive Venmo payments from your ex (Handle @MattDereklol46) AFTER you broke up on July 23, 2021?
I would pet little dogs, big dogs, toy dogs, and dogs that don’t even look like dogs. Boring dogs. Cool dogs. Hot dogs. All the dogs.
Look, airplanes shouldn’t be constantly flying around a building in the first place.
Or the words are about something I feel self-conscious about, like my underbite or my current living situation with my parents.
Is this yet another quarrel with your wife about your infidelity? Or an ass-backwards attempt to punish a blasphemous hero?
Our rubber chickens—and indeed our entire portfolio of goofs and gags—have lost their context. Dare I say, they are no longer funny.