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I don’t think I’m selling myself short here. It takes a lot of skill to stack this many hats on top of each other.
This is on both of us: you put me in the position of being responsible for humanity, and I let my savior complex feed right into that.
It's a dog park, not Jurassic Park. Find somewhere else for your infernal Dogasaurus rex to run amok.
I'm not gonna be a cop about booze or weed or the occasional mysterious disappearance of a fellow resident.
I’ve read hundreds of lists of all the foods that I should avoid and it turns out you should avoid basically everything.
"The Boss Baby: Family Business" The baby, it enrages me. 9/10
I didn't think much of it when we got a tip that the script was sitting in the bottom of a wastebasket in a Starbucks bathroom on Milwaukee Ave.
But you’re shit out of luck if you think one of these spider aliens is going to move unrealistically slowly, giving me just enough time to shoot it.
You started to leave my cap off, like it was no big deal.
Did you grow up in a modest house, or the suburbs, or a brownstone, or a symbolically dilapidated mansion?
Things were easier then. Parents were parents, children were children, and unlike today’s children, they didn’t grow into adults either.
Maybe you’ve wondered to yourself while mowing your lawn, “Hey, why isn’t my backyard shaped more like a shaft and two balls?”