Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
The history of the present Control by mom and dad is a history of repeated standoffs in the kitchen and plates that have too many colors.
Jerry Kaufman (Your Dad): Did I think we were going to conceive a child during the Insurance Adjusters of American Convention? No.
Reboots that have pulled child actors out of hundreds of thousands of dollars of gambling debts.
Facebook: Hey, remember me? I’m totally relevant to your demographic! Want to see Dakota’s prom photos from 2006?
He ruffles my feathers. He overcooks my sunny-side-up eggs. You know what I mean? Really Mondays my Garfield.
Great ambiance—enough body hair to afford some privacy but not so much that it gets in the way of your meal.
We don’t want to shame you, especially during a month as joyous as Pride. We celebrate all our bankers, bankettes, and bank-theys.
As far as anyone here knows, we’re just one extremely handsome journalist and one extremely available woman sharing bruschetta.
My clone is always ill. Plus, our clones are deficient in blood, because we didn’t give them enough blood, so they are often woozy.
I can see that you've just put sunglasses on him. No, you're not allowed to "Weekend at Bernie's" an ice sculpture.
“Makes you glad to have nerve endings.” — Kirkus Reviews
I am going to yell into a pillow. I am going to scream in an empty car. I am going to throw a full tantrum in the grocery store cereal aisle.