Ever see a product for sale online, but something is off about the advertisement? Eyes drawn to the expensive-looking handbag draped over the model's shoulder, you pause. Lowie Vuitton? Upon second look, you acknowledge that the model is also rather curious. Her brow is furrowed, eyes fixed in a squint as if spooked. It is the telling gaze of someone doing something they ought not to, primed to flee at any second.

Guess what? The lady perched by a theme-park replica of the Eiffel Tower, clasping a suspiciously shiny handbag and hoping security doesn’t notice she jumped the gate without paying, is me!

Welcome to the world of a counterfeit fashion model, my world.

If you look closely, you’ll see that the handbag in the photo isn’t the only dupe this goddess is rocking. Check out her wrist. That’s not a fake Rolex Daytona. It’s a genuine Relex Deytona. And the jacket slung over her shoulder is just a Canada Goose Winter Parka, right? Wrong! Look at the label again. It’s a Canada Goopse. Psyche!

Before you ask—the answer is yes. Modeling counterfeit attire is as glamorous as it sounds. Day in, day out, I’m dolled up in low-quality replicas of high fashion garments, my face splashed across online marketplaces and scam websites designed to steal credit card information.

From time to time, I’m even recognized for my work. Just this morning, a guy stopped me in the street and said, “Hey, you’re that chick from guccioutletgenuine.com. That piece of shit website gave my computer a virus. Scum.”

Feels good to make a difference.

In the past, people have said, “Brandi (not my real name), how can you work in an industry tied to child labor and organized crime?” And I say, how can I not? I hate kids.

Truth be told, back when I started, I wasn’t even aware that counterfeiting and piracy were entwined with global criminal enterprise, with medicines and products produced in unregulated environments harming countless people annually. Finding out was a pleasant surprise.

In the beginning, my only desire was to collaborate with the biggest names on the global black market. Superstars like Real_Factory126 and UserGEnioneITalyLuxxxRussia.

Last year, it finally happened when Real_Factory126 booked me to model the latest line of Cimmy Joos. The shoot took place in a Chicago basement that doubles as a porn set. Whole thing took around 25 minutes, during which I modeled roughly 500 pairs of shoes before the director shut us down so they could get back to shooting the porno before it got too late.

Frankly, the experience was a dream come true. I’m truly #blessed. Hop onto Dhgate.com and check out my pics. Search for “shoes sold in bulk Chimmy Joos.” They’re only available by the metric ton. Have your credit card ready.

As a model, I’ve learned a lot of behind-closed-door secrets about this industry. Those Chimmy Joos? Highly combustible. Also, a $65 Canada Goopse jacket from CanadaGoooseOUTLET might seem like a cheap and indistinguishable alternative to the real thing, but any comfort experienced while wearing this product should be treated with extreme caution. They use an off-brand formaldehyde to preserve the fur collar and believe me—claiming this stuff is toxic is putting it lightly. If you’re wearing one of their jackets and feeling good, you're most likely dying.

Also, never wear any jacket from this website in subzero temps; they may look warm positioned against a backdrop of fake snow, but you won't get any measurable protection from the elements. The label says, “genuine duck down,” but the inner padding is really crumpled up newspaper and in the event of rain, the jacket will expand and be impossible to take off. Hypothermia is certain.

On the plus side, the fur collar is made from harvested dog fur, so your cat will love it.

What did I tell you? This is the greatest job in the world.


MORE LIKE THIS