Good evening, inspector. How nice of you to join me, face to… well, I can’t be there in person, but you get the idea. Beginning to regret challenging me? That’s normal. I’m not your everyday run-of-the-mill scofflaw. I’m an anti-vaxxer.

Afraid, detective? You should be. It can’t be more difficult for you to capture the average simple-minded thief than it is for Big Pharma to persuade them of vaccine “science.” But I’m a different breed altogether. How will you catch a man who does his own research?

You must have suspected something like this from the very start. One look at the Central Bank tunneling or the National Gallery heist should have told you I was not a part of any herd, much less herd immunity. The mind that pulled off the Zurich computer job was scarcely one to be convinced by a mere government mandate or scientific consensus. What fear would such a mind have for scarewords like pertussis or diphtheria? That’s assuming they’re words at all.

As for your CDC guidelines? I’m no more beholden to them than to any laws. The only mask I wear is this face, which hides my beautiful and devious thoughts. Did you imagine that I remained a full six feet away from the commissioner when I killed him? That I washed my hands of his blood for thirty entire seconds, or used soap? Hardly. I am as far beyond such superstitions as the lab-engineered Wuhan virus is beyond nature.

But you, inspector, you interest me. We aren’t so different, you and I. You pretend otherwise, but I see your darker moments. You’ve pointed a gun at someone and wondered if it wouldn’t be better to pull the trigger. You’ve dreamed about how much better you’d be at crime than the people you catch. You’ve asked yourself whether getting a DNA-altering microchip injected by Bill Gates is really the “safe” option.

Oh, that last one’s just me? Well, the point stands.

If you insist on going forward with our little game, take a look at the table in front of you. You’ll see five syringes full of fluid I won’t explain to you. You don’t have to take any of them… but if you choose not to, I’ll say you’re stupid and anti-science!

Do you understand the metaphor I’m crafting? If not, I’ve also sent you some links to vaccmurderer.com and faccnotvacc.info. You’ll have to turn off your antivirus software for that second one, but it’s really eye-opening.

Take your time, detective. The choice, after all, is–

Oh, you’ve already chosen? You’re sure about that? You’re welcome to think it over a little longer or…

All right. Well… that’s stupid! You’re stupid! And you hate science! Also, those vials?

They were the MMR vaccine! Which is required in schools! Hahahahahahahaha!

Get it?

You do get it, right?

Oh, come now. Is there really such a difference between a health program run by the US government and an eccentric bank robber?

Well, I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree about that.

Oh, that’s… Very rude, inspector! Everyone has the right to free speech, don’t they? You have your opinion, and I have–

Wow. Remarks like that show a lot about what kind of person you are.

Anyway, I’ll be honest; I thought that would take longer than it did. Agonizing, trying to figure out what was in there, you know. I didn’t have anything else planned for today.

But the games will go on, detective. You can be quite sure of that.

While we’re talking, I’ll share some other thoughts with you, one superior mind to another. Obviously, I’d never fall into the vulgar trap of antisemitism, but I do notice some of these–

Detective?

Are you there?

Detective?


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