Are you tired of having a leaf blower that can only be heard from a few blocks away? Finally, there’s a leaf blower for people who need to be heard by everyone.
Introducing: The Blowharder. The only dual-nozzled, muffler-free, coal-rolling, turbo-charged, twin-engine, possibly illegal leaf blower on the market. How loud will your yard work get? The first time you fire up your Blowharder, your neighbors will think a commercial airliner just crashed in your backyard.
But the Blowharder isn’t just about shattering eardrums and making enemies out of your neighbors. It’s also got bark-stripping horsepower:
- Get a jump on fall by stripping the leaves off your trees in August.
- Trim hedges, dig trenches, or shave off unwanted pubic hair with our patented “Shearing Nozzle.”
- Dry your car in nanoseconds.
- Got birds crapping on your expensive car? The Blowharder will pluck them like rotisserie chickens.
- Demolish political lawn signs in your neighborhood from hundreds of yards away.
With Leaf Protection mode, leaves will never touch your yard again.
Accessorize with our military-grade, gun-turret-style swivel platform. When synced with your home’s motion sensor camera, your lawn is protected 24 hours a day.
Say goodbye to trips to the gas station.
The Blowharder’s backpack-mounted furnace incinerator can combust almost anything for fuel, from old shoes to plastic bottles and dirty diapers. The Blowharder is the most fuel-adaptable leaf blower ever known to mankind.
But the fun doesn’t stop with possible EPA violations!
The Blowharder has custom features you won’t find anywhere else:
- The LCD panel comes with instructional videos and U2’s latest podcast.
- Record, re-mix, and replay your yard work over the Blowharder’s custom twin 16” Bose speaker system.
- Blow past the morning traffic by levitating and flying to work.
- Use pre-programmed sounds such as dog barking, lawnmower, pool party rager, or weed whacker to drive your leaf-raking neighbors insane!
- Never worry about getting mauled in your sleeping bag again. Bears can’t stand the sound of the Blowharder!
- Sync with your Alexa device and drift off to sleep every night to the soothing sounds of leaf blowing.
Have fun with the family.*
- The Blowhard can propel your child on a skateboard up to 35 mph!
- Launch water balloons and potatoes into the next Zip code!
- Turn your Blowhard into the coolest bubble-maker your kids have ever seen!
*Warning: Do not use the Blowharder around children weighing less than 110 pounds.
Turn up the heat with the Blowharder’s temperature-controlled thermostat.
- Blow your leaves into a big pile—and then incinerate them instantly.
- In wintertime, say goodbye to icy driveways, snow banks and frozen lakes.
- Turn your bathtub or swimming pool into a jacuzzi.*
*Warning: Always check water temperature with a commercial-grade cooking thermometer before jumping in.
With our patented Cook Mode, your Blowharder will quickly become your favorite portable cooking device.
- Make crispy tater tots, fried chicken or Peking duck at the beach or your favorite park with the “Air Fryer” setting.
- The “Dehydrator” setting makes beef jerky, dried fruit, and evaporated sea salt—all within a few minutes instead of hours or days.
- Sear steaks or cauterize a wound using “Flash Sear” mode.
- Burn whole logs of oak or mesquite in the furnace on “BBQ” mode to make award-winning brisket, chicken, or ribs.
Commercial applications outside of yard work:
- The Blowharder is a certified “non-lethal” weapon currently being used by several police departments.
- The Blowharder has been successfully used to repel pirates from boarding ships off the Horn of Africa.
- When coupled with a liquid holding tank, the Blowharder can be used to spray acres of crops with pesticides and fertilizers.
Stay safe! Whenever there’s an emergency test or natural disaster anywhere in the United States, your Blowharder will automatically trigger its “Shrill Whistle System,” which is audible up to a half-mile away.
The Blowharder was invented in America by Americans—for Americans who love America (manufactured in China). It is available now at your nearest Lowe’s, ACE Hardware or Home Depot, all over the United States of America.*
*Currently not for sale in CA, NY, HI, VT, MA, RI, CT, NH, OR or VT.