Wow! Boy it feels good to be released from that lamp. How long was I in there anyway? What year is it? Oh, so almost four years, huh?
Well, friend, you just hit the jackpot. For I, the Establishment Liberal Genie, am here, ready to use my vast and magical powers to satisfy the deepest, most donor-friendly longings of your heart. It’s your lucky, but also thoroughly consultant-approved, day!
So how about wish number one? Anything, search your soul for your innermost desires, especially those desires that poll well with white suburban women and Rust Belt workers without college degrees, and I shall provide. So what’ll it be?
Hmm… “a mansion”… sounds like a doozy. That’s a pretty big price tag, and, I mean I know you’re talking to me, but the other genie is REALLY gonna hate that. How about… a tax credit for your small business? Sure, sure, it’s not quite as pie-in-the-sky, but it’s a step in the right direction, is it not? Then that “mansion” of yours is something we can talk about in another eight years (if I’m back in the lamp).
So, on to wish number two—speak your mind, friend, let nothing except the electoral college and the entrenched lobbying infrastructure to which nearly all genies are beholden get in your way!
I see… “cure your fibromyalgia”… well, and trust me, I don’t like this any more than you, but you’ll never believe who sponsors my lamp—it’s AstraZeneca. I know! So I’m strictly speaking not supposed to do any wishes that involve the word “cure.” I mean, the last genie who tried that ended up in a shoebox at the bottom of a landfill, and how many wishes is he granting down there, know what I mean? Could I interest you in… say, a tax credit for your small business? That way, you at least have a shot at some healthcare, and then we can talk about really tackling that issue in eight years. You don’t want to know what the other genie would have offered you, I’m really doing you a favor here.
Now, this is the big one—your third and final wish! Make it count, by which I mean make it sellable in competitive swing districts! Drum roll please…
Ah… “world peace”… that’s… boy wouldn’t we all love that! Sounds great, I mean in theory. But what does “world peace” really mean, anyway? You know? Hard to put a real solid label or number on that. I’m a genie, I like to work with concrete policy, not these vague, idealistic “wishes.” You can, however, put a solid number on this—Sikorsky, market cap of $10 billion. Raytheon, $33 bill. If we’re really talking brass tacks, that is. But speaking of tax—and I think you’ll love this—how about an extension of an existing tax credit for your small business?
Hey, where are you going? You’re just gonna leave me like this? I know you’re not going to that other genie. And there aren’t any other genies around here, buddy! Not anymore! You’ll be back—with a tax-credit for your small business! I know you loved your last genie, the cool one—he and I are friends! You’ll be back!